Candy! Sweet, sweet candy! Whassat? It’s an ‘F’? Oh, puck.
So, no lolly pellet-stuffed flip-top heads, rather a red Moroccan
headular adornment with magical powers. You see, little blocky Gomez
was happy trip-tropping about his resolutely 2D world. But then
along came a cube – a completely impossible construct to a world so
flat - that bestowed upon him said hat, fucking-up his world just like that.
We worship the super-brilliant C64 game Nebulus, a platformer
that span the world around on its axis as you walked/jumped through
or around towers. Fez channels it, but in a more cube top,
squared-off, eight corners, 90 degree angles kinda way that has you
sitting and rotating. A bit, erm – lot - like
So, with your pixel puppet Gomez you traipse around various 16-bitty
universes, chatting to natives, breaking and entering, disinterring
obtuse puzzles and accumulating treasure and golden cubic
objecticles. The more you gather, the more places become
visitational from a purple-dicular hub world.
The best bit – although not necessarily for everybody - is that it’s
all physically non-confrontational. No fighting, nobody trying to
kill you except you yourself. Then, when you do make little G-man go
‘splut!’ now, he just rematerialises at his last safe spot.
Progression unearths weird glyphs, plus an apparent surfeit of
leftovers from a Tetris
explosion. Far from decorationary stuff, these are usually fiendish
– and we mean that, possibly indicating how dumb we are - puzzles.
Decipher, push this way and that, ring bells, find warps, go
collecty on anti-cubes... Fez ain’t no casual walk in the
Despite real glitches – others, like an early reboot, are quite
obviously intentional - Fez beguiles then staples itself to
your bonce like a brain slug, but with red hatacular flair, rather
than green and slimular bleah.
Damn, where’d we put that garlic shampoo?