PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)
Captain James Tiberius (heehee) Kirk once mused, “The more complex
the mind, the greater the need for the simplicity of play.”
If that’s indeed the case, then Stephen Hawking might be getting his
jollies playing this. As for us mere dummies...
On paper - an
increasingly illogical device - all ingredients are present for a
romptastic Trek, erm, trek. A professionally-penned story
that hovers between the first and second of JJ Abrams’ reboots,
original voices, Paramount being involved...
something got lost in the universal translator – all the more
frustrating as there’re good bits. They’re just imprisoned within a
meteor shower of poo.
Quick story synopsis: Vulcan’s been
zappified, pointy-eareded logic-lovers are trying to set up New
Vulcan, but hilarious lizard-like interstellar meanies the Gorn have
other ideas. Cue a fairly typical third-person shooter adventure,
but with blokes saying “wessel”.
Designed ideally as a
two-player co-op affair, singletons get saddled with AI possessing
all the mental acuity of a ShamWow. Hey! Kirk just materialised from
the non-door side of the lift. Again! “Spock! I! Need! Help!” “Not
now Captain, I’m busy walking into this wall repeatedly.” “But!
Spock! That’s! Illogical!” ”Ah, fuck off, staccato breath.”
Anyway, there’s tedious exploration that can easily lead to
lostness, due both to repetitive level design and possible snoozing
here and there from constantly tricorderising surroundings. This is
interspersed with various minigames that, mercifully, you can
command AI to handle (sucks to be you if playing with a human), and
breaks for gunge-swimming, phiring photons and such.
looking like something that a PS2 dragged in, illogical aims (be
peaceful, but numerous trophies reward killing), ploppy platforming
and Betty Boo calibre lip synch, things aren’t entirely suckulent.
The simple shooting works, the soundtrack’s magnificent, and voice
acting’s mostly fun. Sadly though the game rarely is.
dream that failed. There’s nothing sadder...