POSTED 9/11/12


007 LEGENDS

Activision

In the 1980s infancy of videogames, cowboy companies would licence a smasheroonie movie and stickytape it onto whatever shitacular shell they had hanging around. We’ve come a long way baby. But Activision hasn’t...

The plotty-plot with 007 Legends is to take one iconic flick by each Bond – you know, Sean, Georgie, Roge, Timmy and L’Oreal Boy - and use them as a precursor for a soon-downloadable level based on Skyfall, the latest film from the latest 007, Danny Craig. All in celebration of it being 50 years since Mr Connery first ordered a “shaken, not shtirred” martini in Dr No... Umm, except that he actually first ordered such a tipple in Goldfinger.

Seriously, a classier party would be grabbing a sparkler and stabbing a straw into a bag of goon.

Firstly, there’s historical revisionism, whereby Daniel Craig – or some bloke imitating him (badly) as the real one (wisely) couldn’t be fucked showing up - plays all the Bonds in Goldfinger, On Her Majesty’s Secret Service, Moonraker, Licence to Kill and Die Another Day. Modern tech’s interspersed throughout – we’re pretty sure that they didn’t have mobiles in 1964, and if they did they’d have likely been of Volkswagenesque proportions.

Secondly? Let’s clone our golden child, Call of Duty, but lose a chromosome so it looks all PS2ey – and plays like it. From the opening where a 4WD floated along a track our hackles raised. Cue clunky, super-repetitive levels, hyper-dumbarse anonymous henchmen, poxy vehicular bits and fisticuffs with a few familiar (distorted) faces. Repeat.

Then? Included in the (mercifully) brief main campaign are stealthiness (where you’ll get spotted even if quieter than a mute mouse impersonator), clunky gadgetry mini-excursions and load times to kill over.

007 is an icon. Rather than a licence to swill, this should’ve been an all time high... Because we’re worth it – and so is Mr Bond.

CLICK THIS!



CLICK THIS!