news everyone! Jack Bauer’s alive and well...
around in futuristic aircraft (which he likely purloined the plans
for after sneaking into Boeing when they were busy replacing
batteries in naughty Dreamliners).
How do we come to this
conclusion? Well, listen to the countdown clock before heading off
for a psychotic air race in the puntastic AiRace Speed...
Imagine grabbing Wipeout,
After Burner, Pilot Wings and Cooking Mama,
chucking out that last one due to irrelevance and popping the other
three in a blender. You’d have a big crunchy mess of CD and/or
cartridge bits, sure, but if you took the idea less literally and
just imagined a smushing together of the concepts you’d pretty much
get what’s going on here.
Head into any of 18 tunnels as fast
as you dare – aided, for the insane, by booster jet thingies -
avoiding assorted pointy yellow death-dealing objects of
death-dealing yellow pointiness, such as bars, holes, walls and
blades. Your mission, should you choose to accept it (and if you
don’t then you’ve done your dough) is to reach the end of your laps
as quickly as possible, or to survive non-crashily for as long as
possible, depending upon which level you’ve opted to assail. Your
reward? Stars (allowing progression) and worldwide online high score
adulation – WOO! Well, until everybody else buys this, is infinitely
better than you and shunts you down the table into ignominy. WAH!
If you’re an adrenaline junkie you’ll take to this like a bogan
to a Contiki tour. If you come into it with stress levels akin to
South Park’s Tweak then twitchy controls may see your heart
quickly pop, and possibly splatter ventricle goop all over your
Do keep a phone handy ready to dial 000, won’t you?