Supergiant Games/WB Games
sits at her desk to muse about Bastion. She puts fingers to
keyboard then jumps with a start, reels around and screams, “ARGH!!!
Who the fuck are you hoary old man, and why are you narrating my
Fisticuffs ensue. The reviewer floors the hoary old man with a deft
kick to the scrotal region. She pins him and reaches for a
convenient roll of gaffer tape, rips loose a generous strip and
Jebus, and you reckon this gig’s easy? Strange old fuckers home
invading was NOT in the job description. But reviewing games was and
we’re running out of space, so onto this latest in the burgeoning
What’s all that old man shit? Well, this dude narrates your every
move in this vividly-illustrated isometric RPGish action adventure.
Well, more or less every move. It’s not “walks, walks, turns, stops,
shoots”, but novelty and all it sure gets on your tits quickly.
Frustratingly, however, without him you’d be several shades of
stuffed, as he’s the one gradually unveiling the story.
Basically, according to housebreaking voiceover bloke your world was
destroyed by an apocalyptic event called ‘The Calamity’, and
everybody you held dear is dead. Dang, next thing you know you’ll
discover it’s up to you alone to fix everything... oh.
So, you flit between various worlds, trundling about platforms that
fwoosh in from nowhere, breaking stuff, gathering weaponry,
killinating various attackers, solving occasional puzzles and
plundering looty thingies. You also collect cores to plug into your
hub world, the titular Bastion, to get life rocking in these floaty
platformy parts once more.
Bastion’s a fab Zeldatastic affair harbouring an often
stunning emotional depth that unfurls as you venture ever deeper.
But no time for such things currently, we’ve got a body to dispose