POSTED 26/10/11


BATTLEFIELD 3

EA
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)

Quick EA impersonation: “Our shootyshootybangbang game’s better than yours, NYAHH-NYAHH!”. Quick Activision impersonation: “Our shootyshootybangbang game’s better than yours, NYAHH-NYAHH!”.

Sigh. We love the smell of hyperbole in the morning.

Putting aside puerile trash talk, it’s not the games companies, advertising megabucks nor reviewer scribbles about BF3 and its Voldemort, MW3; the “victor” will ultimately be decided by the public. Vive la revolution! BLAM! Fuck, nearly winged us. S’pose we sounded a bit insurgenty there.

Anyway, superfluous opinionatedness time. Unsociable cherubs that we are, go-go cliché-encrusted single player! But beware those of a point-something-ammunitional-and-shoot-lots bent, for there’re more rules than you’d likely encounter in the real army. Free roam? Forgetaboutit! Maybe we’re too inquisitive, but rather than playing boring follow-the-leader as demanded, we felt improvisey. Bad player! Hell, explore a tad, leaving where BF3 wants you and you’re killeded. Conform or die! Then there’s the bleurghy quicktime button stabs – so 1983!

There are glitches. We even stood facing a foe, just staring. He didn’t raise an eyebrow! Well, until we gave him a lead injection...

But things look ace – even the Middle Eastern land where white cars with yellow fenders are the rage automotively. But back to point, if you’ve itches to use initiative, single player will kill-scratch them. Bummer.

Still, how many do Battlefield for soloness? Sociable types will have a literal and figurative blast. It goes the 2 Unlimited route – no-no, no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no, no-no there’s no limit (well, essentially) - with a free-roaming smorgasbord to get hype to the bang-bang-shoot-shoot rhythm with. 24 can team and rain grief upon freedom-defiling scum (U-S-A! U-S-A!), with new destruction sources regularly introduced.

Numbers time. People dig numbers, apparently. Solo? 7.5. Multiplayer? 9.5. Rounded out? 8.5. But hey, make up your own minds. That’s what free will’s about, and what all this fighting’s supposedly for...

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