CALL OF JUAREZ: THE CARTEL
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)
Yeah! Time to get our cowboy on again... except, erm, things have
gone all modern. ¿dónde está el vaquero? No cowboy for you!
Well, unless you count anachronistic tendencies from one of three
lead characters in Ben McCall, genetically linked to the
git-along-little-dawgie horsiness of those cowboyish Call of
Juarez predecessors. The other two ‘stars’ are generic DEA bloke
or FBI chick in your own personal taskforcey triumvirate as the DEA
and FBI generally aren’t trustworthy. Or summat.
The FPSiness starts bonkersly enough with a speedtacular freeway
shootout, and veers between similar affairs, being all
stealthy-like, taking on helichopperters and blamming drug cartel
nefarious types en route to disenkingpinenating <McBain> Men-do-zaaaaaaaaaaaaa!</McBain>
There are some interesting ideas at play, like how which character
you pick steers the story – abilities, motives and more affect
progress, so if you play through with all three characters the tale
will vary somewhat.
However, if you’ve the wherewithal to play through three times you
deserve something medallic, for despite employing some initiative,
The Cartel plays rather bleurghily. Alternatively, three of
you can pick one character each and play together – cooperation is
the root of shared suffering.
Ignoring presentation that gives hessian undies heavy competition in
the roughness stakes – garish colours, abrupt screen transitions,
appalling lip synch for ultra caseoso dialogue, yucky fonts,
spelling grammatical and erors ect (we meant that, puerile shits
that we are) – things generally tend to stutter more than Morris
Minor and the Majors with Ken from A Fish Called Wanda on the
mic. The odd cutscene shuddering a bit’s fairly forgivable, but when
gameplay’s interrupted regularly for split seconds with sound
glitches and video freezes then nope, sorry, no 10 for you!
It’s all in the execution... We’ll spare a hangin’, but the devs at
least deserve a damned good paddlin’.