Xbox 360 (also on PS3, Wii, PC, DS)
You were only
supposed to blow the bloody doors off! Oops, we said a rude word...
Sorry kiddies, we won’t say ‘blow’ again in this review, promise. Erm, except for that time just there.
After a couple of decades videogaming, arrogant fucks that we are we
tend to dismissively snort “phnuh!” towards movie tie-ins. It’s
usually warranted; anything made to a date rather than a standard
has to suck, yeah? Well not necessarily (although they usually do).
Cars is a blip in Pixar’s canon – it’s been more successful
as a marketing juggernaut than a film. Still, as long as
buckeroonies roll in then who gives a fig, yeah? Regardless, they
persevered with a second flick, and as it features Michael Caine
voicing a rather Aston Martiny vehicle, we’re not whinging. The
associated tie-ins will sell their jacksies’ off anyway, but at
least with this game parents blackmailed into purchasing aren’t
buying a fetid pile of lemon.
Want originality? Nuh. Want a half-decent Cars-oriented game
to keep up to four ankle-chompers distracted long enough that you
can try avoiding your 19th nervous breakdown? Mission accomplished.
Mission’s the word, too, for true to the film’s 007ishness, the
game’s a spy-tinged Mario Karty affair – careen through
assorted races, assault courses and such to nab spy points, which
unlock further tracks, weapons and – most importantly, natch - cars.
It plays OK, although the brilliantly-animated car characters look somewhat
Chinese government officials sticky-taped atop the backgrounds.
Things hoon along at a decent clip with few interruptions, helping
deter those microsecond attention spans from strayi – cool, you can
be a Bambino! Umm, where were we?
The license gets Cars 2 over the line.
Sonic & SEGA
All-Stars Racing is lots better, but it doesn’t have Lightning
McQueen. Don Draper smiles smugly and pours another whisky...