POSTED 9/7/11


CARS 2

Disney Interactive
Xbox 360 (also on PS3, Wii, PC, DS)

You were only supposed to blow the bloody doors off! Oops, we said a rude word... Sorry kiddies, we won’t say ‘blow’ again in this review, promise. Erm, except for that time just there.

After a couple of decades videogaming, arrogant fucks that we are we tend to dismissively snort “phnuh!” towards movie tie-ins. It’s usually warranted; anything made to a date rather than a standard has to suck, yeah? Well not necessarily (although they usually do).

Cars is a blip in Pixar’s canon – it’s been more successful as a marketing juggernaut than a film. Still, as long as buckeroonies roll in then who gives a fig, yeah? Regardless, they persevered with a second flick, and as it features Michael Caine voicing a rather Aston Martiny vehicle, we’re not whinging. The associated tie-ins will sell their jacksies’ off anyway, but at least with this game parents blackmailed into purchasing aren’t buying a fetid pile of lemon.

Want originality? Nuh. Want a half-decent Cars-oriented game to keep up to four ankle-chompers distracted long enough that you can try avoiding your 19th nervous breakdown? Mission accomplished. Mission’s the word, too, for true to the film’s 007ishness, the game’s a spy-tinged Mario Karty affair – careen through assorted races, assault courses and such to nab spy points, which unlock further tracks, weapons and – most importantly, natch - cars.

It plays OK, although the brilliantly-animated car characters look somewhat Chinese government officials sticky-taped atop the backgrounds. Things hoon along at a decent clip with few interruptions, helping deter those microsecond attention spans from strayi – cool, you can be a Bambino! Umm, where were we?

The license gets Cars 2 over the line. Sonic & SEGA All-Stars Racing is lots better, but it doesn’t have Lightning McQueen. Don Draper smiles smugly and pours another whisky...

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