CASTLESTORM: DEFINITIVE EDITION
fun storming the castle!
Miracle Max’s farewell was meant
positively, but when applied to CastleStorm, presented here
in a ‘Definitive Edition’ which shoehorns in lotsa DLC and stuff,
he’d have been taking the piss.
Well, unless you’re a
real-time strategy junkie who digs tower defence with a spot of
slashtastic action folded in. Yes, multitaskers will be in heaven
here. However, those aiming to keep their stress levels below the
threshold of myocardial infarction may wish to abstain.
Basically, you’re tasked by King Edgar to control his armies to
protect the castle from marauding barbarians, Vikings, wolves, troll
thingummies and more. This protection racket takes several forms.
From Angry Birds-like
fatoonging of arrows and assorted other catapultable objects of
destruction, to sending troops to their inevitable demise, to going
all timed Golden Axeistic mystical on the marauders’
buttocks, materialising amidst them and having a bloody big slash.
Let them steal your flag and schlep it back to their base and
you’re stuffed. Well, you’ll have to start again.
all fit on screen, so you need to scroll the vista, manage an
increasingly confounding array of weapons assigned to different
buttons which also have sub-assignments, along with varying
regeneration times just to stress you out more. You’ll also have to
deal with some expected weapons not being available during some
Then there’s multiplayer madness, overseeing
extensions to your castle and side missions. The latter range from
simple kill-the-baddies affairs to saving asses. Erm, of the donkey
While those of a more arcade-playing bent will face
frequent demise and even more frequent frustration, tacticians will
have a field day flipping between menus, going all The Block
on castles, testing structural integrity, deploying this weapon
towards that enemy, managing upgrades, juggling human resources,
crying “Wolf!” and cursing trolls, while also possibly performing a
silly song and dance number.
Frankly, you’ll be swamped.