POSTED 29/9/11


CASTLEVANIA: HARMONY OF DESPAIR

Konami
PS3/PSN (also on Xbox 360/XBLA)

When invites go out for the annual ’80s videogame character piss-up, you can guarantee Simon Belmont’s on the list. If you’re thinking WTF (with a ‘Who’ instead of a ‘What’), he’s the dude from the original NES Castlevania game. Got it now? Erm, unless you never played it – or don’t give a shit - in which case we’ve just wasted a paragraph.

Anyway, our point is that Castlevania has pedigree. As Simon’s now traded his sword for a pipe, slippers, Horlicks and crotchitiness combo, eight other characters from various incarnations (yep, that's two more than came standard with 2010’s XBLA version) are called up for this tale, which follows the later Castlevania-does-Metroid style of RPG-tinged collect-’em-up platforming.
 
Billed as being ‘Full HD’, they ain’t kidding. On commencement, what looks like a level map is actually the play screen, with your infinitesimal character about as easy to follow as a Polish cartoon. Mercifully though, the screen can be zoomed in for a more classic view – complete with authentic pixelmafacation. Then it’s the usual kill lotsa undead stuff (go oxymoron, go!) in a castle-bound quest to get from A to B without carking it. Even though you will cark it… lots.

However, there’s a twist. This puppy’s been designed with multiplayer in mind – and in what may sound like another bagging of the XBLA incarnation, this time there's four-player local co-op on top of six-player online. Trust us, rent some companions if you have to, ’cos you’ve sweet FA chance of getting through on your lonesome without more grinding than Tony Hawk in a meat-mincing factory that moonlights as a dance club...

...which just may be the venue for this year’s piss-up. Simon’s a bit of a dud after downing a few, but wait until Ms Pacman gets going. Wukka indeed!

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