review
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POSTED 16/7/14


CRIMSONLAND

10tons



The first rule of Shmup Club? Erm, talk about it, for fear of a blank page.

If Crimsonland wasn't inspired by the great Robotron and arguably greater Smash TV then weíre Mary Poppins. We reckon there are some Earth Defense Force fans infiltrating 10tonsí ranks, too. EDF! EDF! EDF!

Youíre just this guy, you know? Youíre plopped in a drab and desolate arena Ė brown and various shades thereof, at least until you get red on it - armed with a puny boomstick. Youíre besieged by hordes of alien and buggy assailants. You mustnít die. Well, you can, but thatís game over.

Thereís a 60-level story mode, plus ĎSurvivalí, which you should be able to work out the workings of from the name. Knock over more story, get more modes. All of which are bastards.

Youíll eventually unlock 30 weapons, and numerous perks which Ė annoyingly - arenít useable in story mode. Complete that and youíll be missing one, itís hidden within hidden bonus game Gembine (which is hidden) and owes much to Threes (or vice versa).

Even if youíve the intellectual perspicacity of a toothbrush youíll get this. Shoot stuff, trying not to get overwhelmed and, thusly, dead. The difference in weaponry can be palpable, and the randomness with which itís dropped can be the difference between your leaving oodles of mangled corpses or becoming one. While we realise insanely long waits for reloads and such are to add strategy, they just frustrated us. We just want to kill shit unfettered! Still, regular explodey bonuses assuage stress a trifle.

It looks pretty dire, is often sluggish, many weapons are useless and some trophies are for the wishful thinking department (even the second of three difficulties is brutal). But despite our swearing like Tony Montana with Touretteís at stuff we reckoned could be better, we still had hours of big dumb fun with Crimsonland. Plus, local co-opís a hoot.

So, say hello to our little friend...

take me back to the start...

 



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ALL WRITTEN CONTENT COPYRIGHT © AMY FLOWER 2008-2017. GAME IMAGES COURTESY OF RESPECTIVE GAMES COMPANIES.