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POSTED 17/4/11


CRYSIS 2

EA
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)

We’ve got good news and bad news. The good? Those Mayans were full of crap, the planet doesn’t go ‘FOOF!’ in 2012. The bad? Some meteor shit virus is gonna do its damnedest to expunge humanity come 2023. Oh well, 11 more years to faff.

The original, PC-only, jungletastic Crysis was notorious for being the computer nerd equivalent of flopping ’em out to see who’s got the biggest schlong, ’cos you needed a hyper-garganto-stupendo-beastie to run the thing properly. So hooray for even playing fields now consoles are onboard – although we reckon the right PC would probably still make Ron Jeremy’s mo wilt.

But yeah, Crysis 2. You’re the peculiarly monickered Alcatraz, the only survivor of a rescue crew (hello irony) sent to a martial-law bound, mussed-up New York City to retrieve Elliott Gould so that he can make Ocean’s 27. Hang on, our producer’s gesticulating wildly and screaming... oh, actually it’s some Dr Nathan Gould bloke, who can save the world or summat.

To this retrieving end, as well as buttloads of ammo, grenades, a decent right hook and a solid hoof, you’ve got a Nanosuit 2.0. You’re a supersoldier, baby, with free-ish reign around NYC, and you’re about the only hope for mankind. No pressure but.

Nuts and bolts: it’s a challenging, stealthy FPS, as you either knew or likely guessed by now. Excuse our vapidity, but fuck it looks unbeleebabull. “My console’s bigger than yours” kinda stuff, unless of course the ‘yours’ in question is also a PS3... or a 360. Erm, suck wee-wee Wii owners? Hmm, there should probably be an “all the way home” in there somewhere, but anyway.

In a year that’s already seen several rather big FPS releases, the biggest has arrived. Top of the heap – start spreading the news...

take me back to the start...

 



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ALL WRITTEN CONTENT COPYRIGHT © AMY FLOWER 2008-2017. GAME IMAGES COURTESY OF RESPECTIVE GAMES COMPANIES.