PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)
We’ve got good
news and bad news. The good? Those Mayans were full of crap, the
planet doesn’t go ‘FOOF!’ in 2012. The bad? Some meteor shit virus
is gonna do its damnedest to expunge humanity come 2023. Oh well, 11
more years to faff.
The original, PC-only, jungletastic Crysis was notorious for
being the computer nerd equivalent of flopping ’em out to see who’s
got the biggest schlong, ’cos you needed a hyper-garganto-stupendo-beastie
to run the thing properly. So hooray for even playing fields now
consoles are onboard – although we reckon the right PC would
probably still make Ron Jeremy’s mo wilt.
But yeah, Crysis 2. You’re the peculiarly monickered
Alcatraz, the only survivor of a rescue crew (hello irony) sent to a
martial-law bound, mussed-up New York City to retrieve Elliott Gould
so that he can make Ocean’s 27. Hang on, our producer’s
gesticulating wildly and screaming... oh, actually it’s some Dr
Nathan Gould bloke, who can save the world or summat.
To this retrieving end, as well as buttloads of ammo, grenades, a
decent right hook and a solid hoof, you’ve got a Nanosuit 2.0.
You’re a supersoldier, baby, with free-ish reign around NYC, and
you’re about the only hope for mankind. No pressure but.
Nuts and bolts: it’s a challenging, stealthy FPS, as you either knew
or likely guessed by now. Excuse our vapidity, but fuck it looks
unbeleebabull. “My console’s bigger than yours” kinda stuff, unless
of course the ‘yours’ in question is also a PS3... or a 360. Erm,
suck wee-wee Wii owners? Hmm, there should probably be an “all the
way home” in there somewhere, but anyway.
In a year that’s already seen several rather big FPS releases, the
biggest has arrived. Top of the heap – start spreading the news...