useless things ever... Leaf blowers? Flowbees? Tits on bulls? Nup,
princesses. All they ever fucking do is get kidnapped. Still, some
dopey male ruled by his dick will always come to the rescue...
Righty-o. Now that we’ve alienated all Mario devotees, we get to
this particular tale of purloined princesses and resolute rescuers.
But this one’s different – he’s Cubic Ninja! Is it Domo-kun in
Italian grandma drag? Is it an obscure Japanese unit of measurement?
Is it Mr Strong taking a stalk on the shinobi side? No! It’s Cubic
Ninja! Oh, we already said that. Umm...
OK. Pick a boxy battler then go a-mazing, battling assorted
escalating killinating hazards and annoyances culminating in bot
bosses, only to conquer then be shoomed to another maze and repeat –
except, naturally, it gets harder.
It’s akin to those wooden marble maze things that you hold and tilt
to get the ball from go to whoa. We seriously thought they’d have a
super-cool name we didn’t know, but much research – uh, a couple of
minutes... would you believe a speedy Google? Oops, broke that
sentence – anyway, it seems they’re just wooden marble maze things,
or sometimes labyrinths if you’re feeling kinda Bowie.
Why? Well, one control option’s super-ace – you tilt the 3DS up,
down, left, right, forward, backwards to get Cubic dude going where
you want. Don’t do it publicly though, ’cos you’ll look more
fucktarded than an escapee from a Devo vid. Still, you can flip to
normaler controls anytime, whereby the 3D kicks in and momentum – or
usually lack thereof - will see you die quicker than the Macarena.
Prone to gaming tanties? Go away. Patient? Hello rewardiness, and
upon finishing (too soon) the level creator will be your George to
hug, pet and squeeze. Hmm, LittleCubePlanet – mmmmmm...