DEADLIEST WARRIOR: LEGENDS
PS3/PSN (also on Xbox 360/XBLA)
warrior’s harder than your legendary warrior!” Ever had such a
playground-styled tauntathon? Us neither. But if you did, here’s
where you can prove your favoured historical thug’s theoretical
This is a tie-in with the TV series Deadliest Warrior,
wherein all manner of renowned highly-strung fighty peeps are played
off against each other without historical accuracy, but with
apparent combat experts queueing all manner of frightening-looking
weaponry for them to get bloody with. As comedy it works on a
certain bad taste level, but we’d be concerned if anybody takes it
seriously – especially when they’ve actually pitted the Taliban
against the IRA. Erm, cue concern...
It’s not exactly un-obvious how this translates to a videogame –
one-on-ones with famed historical warmongers including Genghis Khan,
Vlad the Impaler, William Wallace and Shaka Zulu. However, rather
than having bouts whereby you’ve an idea of time remaining or health
or whatever, these gore-spattered, limb-severing outbreaks of
slicing, dicing, mushing and smushing may be over before you can
blink... especially when you can fire off lasery phwooshes from the
other side of the arena. Whatthefucknow?!
Combined with limited dialogue that’s campier than a row of tents at
a Pet Shop Boys/Erasure double bill and synched about as well as a
Godzilla flick with the soundtrack playing at 33 1/3 when it should
be 45, if Deadliest Warrior: Legends included Monty Python’s
Black Knight then we’d cautiously titter along, but these people really are
Still, if it’s your thang then the characters are big and suitably brutal looking, and the
inclusion of a ‘generals’ mode (Risk, essentially) will
excite desk chair despots.
To those of you taunting us with cries of “come back here and take
what’s coming to you, what are you chicken or something?” we’ve one
thing to say...