DONKEY KONG COUNTRY RETURNS 3D
There’s been something rotten in DK Country, and it’s not that
secret banana stash that Diddy left decomposing in his schoolbag
over the school holidays. Donkey Kong, Nintendo’s original big bad,
has been reduced to an inanity-grunting, tie-donning corporate wuss,
shilling lacklustre games in a fugue of emasculation.
Rejoice, DK acolytes. Kong’s returned, in style! Of course you'd
know this if you caught the Wii mix – of which this is a slight
remix with an easier mode, no stupid waggling and more 3D than you
could poke coloured cellophane at.
Uh-huh. No more shitty
racing games or rhythm excursions, as DKCR3D harks back to
SNES glory days – when apes were apes and the jungle was nervous.
Both homage and evolution, DKCR3D maintains one
aspect of those amazing SNES adventures – it’s really fucking
challenging. That’s using ‘challenging’ in all its simile glory for
“I wanna hurl my 3DS, stomp about petulantly and hug Mum.” Yep, this
sucker’s hard – and to that we say “yay!”
New baddies descend
into DK’s domain in the form of bizarre ooga-booga, voodoo-eyed
thingies that hypnotise local denizens into purloining the great
ape’s banana stash. Naturally DK doesn’t take this shit and sets
about rampaging – ably assisted by the monkeyquivalent of Batman’s
Robin, Diddy Kong (in single player or via two-player link).
Those familiar with the ’90s DKC series will instantly be
comfy, but things soon evolve. Silhouetted levels, platforms jammed
into deeper 3D space that you rocket-barrel between, effects like
waves crashing out of your screen... all saying “yeah, this is
classic, but it’s also some 15 years on, Daddy-O”.
completists may as well lock themselves away forever, as obtaining
every collectible letter and puzzle piece is hellishly challenging.
You wanted the best, you got the best (U-U-U-Utah... oops).
The banana’s in your court – vote 1 the emancipation of Donkey Kong.