POSTED 19/6/13


DONKEY KONG COUNTRY RETURNS 3D

Nintendo
3DS

There’s been something rotten in DK Country, and it’s not that secret banana stash that Diddy left decomposing in his schoolbag over the school holidays. Donkey Kong, Nintendo’s original big bad, has been reduced to an inanity-grunting, tie-donning corporate wuss, shilling lacklustre games in a fugue of emasculation.

Rejoice, DK acolytes. Kong’s returned, in style! Of course you'd know this if you caught the Wii mix – of which this is a slight remix with an easier mode, no stupid waggling and more 3D than you could poke coloured cellophane at.

Uh-huh. No more shitty racing games or rhythm excursions, as DKCR3D harks back to SNES glory days – when apes were apes and the jungle was nervous.

Both homage and evolution, DKCR3D maintains one aspect of those amazing SNES adventures – it’s really fucking challenging. That’s using ‘challenging’ in all its simile glory for “I wanna hurl my 3DS, stomp about petulantly and hug Mum.” Yep, this sucker’s hard – and to that we say “yay!”

New baddies descend into DK’s domain in the form of bizarre ooga-booga, voodoo-eyed thingies that hypnotise local denizens into purloining the great ape’s banana stash. Naturally DK doesn’t take this shit and sets about rampaging – ably assisted by the monkeyquivalent of Batman’s Robin, Diddy Kong (in single player or via two-player link).

Those familiar with the ’90s DKC series will instantly be comfy, but things soon evolve. Silhouetted levels, platforms jammed into deeper 3D space that you rocket-barrel between, effects like waves crashing out of your screen... all saying “yeah, this is classic, but it’s also some 15 years on, Daddy-O”.

Obsessive completists may as well lock themselves away forever, as obtaining every collectible letter and puzzle piece is hellishly challenging.

You wanted the best, you got the best (U-U-U-Utah... oops). The banana’s in your court – vote 1 the emancipation of Donkey Kong.

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