review
What's it all about?Tweet, tweet, tweet...Contact!Australian release dates
                 
                 
     

POSTED 26/9/12


DEAD OR ALIVE 5

Tecmo
PS3 (also on Xbox 360)

Want-ed Ė WANT-ED!!! Dead or ali-ye-i-ye-i-ye-ive! TWANG! TWANG! FUCKING TWANG!

Bon Jovi. Ick! Thanks DoA5 for reminding us of his/their existence.

Turning sarcasm off, other than recollections of shitful Ď80s blech rock weíre glad Dead or Aliveís back in The Fray (AGH! More shit US whininess!) of whatís become a jam-packed (raspberry, evidently) fighting fold.

Excuse us a sec, just exorcising to avoid more yuk incursions. Train. Creed. Now for multi-syllabic ones... Daughtry. Matchbox 20. Lifehouse, Nickelback...

We just threw up in our mouths a little. Eww.

Right. For any pervy little boys (or girls) out there, yes there are boobies Ė jiggly boobies, sweaty boobies... naturally of the variety that Bill Oddie doesnít look at through binoculars. Well, hopefully.

Now thatís sorted, what remains is a competitive fighting game that holds its own amongst the tsunami of those others jostling for fight fan buckeroonies. DoA5 has a raft of options, starting with a story mode thatís essentially Days of Our Lives with biffo set in more countries than 007ís ever come to, seen and bonked in. Itís basically glorified training, and itís bonkersly hootastic.

If youíre just in it for the punchgasms though, dive straight into arcade, versus, time attack, survival or training. We wonít insult you by explaining them further. Plus, of course, thereíre several online modes.

Graphically things are OK, save for scenery that occasionally flickers like the Holodeck on the fritz. Soundís suitably chunktastic and, bless its little black lace undies, DoA5 delivers something not every punch Ďem up deigns to, utterly veggie modes for players who just wanna mash like motherfuckers. Bliss! Naturally those who take it seriously with big heavy fighting sticks and such can set difficulty to stun and get busy. Stuff class warfare, this is a fighter for everybody.

Right, weíve got an e-vil earworm with big hair to smushinate...

take me back to the start...

 



CLICK THIS!



CLICK THIS!



 

 

     
                 
                 
     
ALL WRITTEN CONTENT COPYRIGHT © AMY FLOWER 2008-2017. GAME IMAGES COURTESY OF RESPECTIVE GAMES COMPANIES.