POSTED 18/6/11


DUNGEON SIEGE III

Square Enix
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)

Monsters. Fuckers! All that “GRR!” crap and trying to separate our limbs from our torsos – yep, despise the fuckers. If you’re a hater too then massacring masses of them is the first big tick for DSIII.

It’s not the only one though, assuming you’re into RPGs with actiony bits.

To us, RPGs resemble free jazz. We dig the principle, but we’re left colder than an Eskimo in a deep freeze in Siberia in winter – during a cold snap, in the nuddy with ice blocks rammed up their jacksie. So, we consulted some D&D-savvy associates to accompany us through this sucker, for other than prettiness, we couldn’t discern much difference to Master System bouts of Phantasy Star, Ys and such; text screeds, perambulating, spoof-loads of loot, rudimentary enemy elimination, purchasing power-ups, repeating for several hours.
 
Still, by virtue of the appended ‘III’, this Dungeon Siege has heritage – despite changing hands from originator Chris Taylor to Obsidian Entertainment, the mob behind buggy-but-nice Fallout: New Vegas.

You pick one of four characters from a 50-50 gender mix. Story-wise, the kingdom of Ehb is, well, low ebbing, with regicide being blamed on those who established the joint; legionnaires. They’re falling like nine pins, but not from the obvious – legionnaires disease (BAM!) - rather one Jeyne, who’s determined to cleanse any remainders of that nobility. This sucks for you, ’cos you’re one of them.

Multiplayer options abound – split screen local or online – and there’s jump in/out anytime, but ultimately as a multiplayer romp DSIII makes for great solo entertainment.

Constant management made us pooey – faffing tracking 11 abilities instead of joyfully hacking the shite out of monsters - but we were advised to pull our heads in by our consultant associates.

RPGs really aren’t our bag baby, but associates say party fears two – uh...

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