EARTH DEFENSE FORCE 2017 PORTABLE
Fucking hate íem. Intergalactic robot bugs? Fucking hate íem even
Japanís been infested with them. Thankfully we donít live
anywhere near there. But as Mr Mortein seemingly hasnít invented a
big mo-fo spray insecticide capable of bringing down space
creepy-crawlies, we do get to tune in, turn on and shoot the living
robo-snot out of them in this dumb-as-dog-shit shooter.
The graphics? Meh, average.
The sound? Fnuh, itís alright.
The dialogue? Cheesier than Mayor McCheese in a melted cheese
wrestling ring four-way with Alex James of Blur and those Kiwi
from the Mainland ads... with a hose continually splooping even more
cheese in as the grappling gropingly grapples.
The strategy? What strategy?!
The action? Utterly mindless. Just shoot, shoot, shoot, shoot,
shoot, shoot, shoot and shoot more. Until you hit an invisible wall,
negotiate that, then start shooting again.
The weaponry? Start with an array of peashooters and work up to the
sort of shoot once, kill everything stuff that would even make Arnie
slobber. But youíll have to grind through a few times to get
the cream of the weaponistical crop unlocked.
word 'reload'? You'll learn to despise it.
Sounds cack, yeah? Nuh-uh. EDF2017P
is what it is, and thatís a really super-fun mindless third-person
shooter. Seriously, for every hateful hunk of frustrated we experienced from
invisible walls, slowdown, endless fuck-knuckle bugs spawning right on top of
us and dodgy collision detection, there were the moments of taking
out screen-sized robo-nasties in a hail of explodigasmic gloriousness,
pancaking cities and just having a really bloody ace time not
having to think, just twitching that shooty finger, drooling, and repeatedly
intoning the mantra ďone-more-go-then-bed.Ē
If you want depth, dive into the deep end. But sometimes the kiddie
poolís where the funís at.