POSTED 22/11/16


FARMING SIMULATOR 17

Giants Software/Focus Home Interactive

This little piggy went to market. This little piggy went to market. This little piggy went to market...

Then it cried wee, wee, wee all the way back to our farm in the back of a truck. Heavy machinery’s big (literally and figuratively) in this here glimpse into life on the land.

At this juncture we feel compelled to express our love and gratitude to cockies everywhere. You keep us fed and full of yummy milk – and you work what must be the most boring fucking job in the history of everything ever to do so. Well, if this simulator’s anything to go by.

Essentially it’s like most sims. You start off small, work your arse off and get rewarded with even more work to diminish your derriere.

You mow fields, till them, seed them, harvest them, plop the grain in silos, sell the grain then do it again. Of course you can rev things up with a trip to market for those aforementioned piggies and other livestock such as moo cows. This all happens alone or in online co-op.

You can stick to the script and farm, chop trees, raise animals and the like. Or you can go all Grand Theft Tractor seeing how much stuff you can run roughshod over.

As you’d expect, the more you earn the better gear you can purchase. A raft of licenced vehicles from over 40 brands are here, from ones even we’ve heard of like Massey Ferguson to the likes of Horsch (which apparently isn’t something that you ride around the farm when you’re drunk).

While impressively presented and packed with features, we’re not entirely sure who Farming Simulator’s for. Surely the last thing actual farmers would want to do in their minimal downtime is recreate what they do all day? So maybe it’s for rural fetishists? After all, there is that Rock Band song ‘She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy’.

SNORT!

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