POSTED 26/9/16


FORZA HORIZON 3

Playground Games/Microsoft Studios

Strewth Bruce, look at all them posh frick’n cars! That’s a bloody outrage, it is! Where’re all the Holdens and Fords and... UTES?!

Umm, they’re up there, Bazza, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.

Oh...

Y’ see, this ’ere Forza Horizon 3 doovalacky, with all the bloody young’uns and their shit DOOF music lairin’ it up in their cars, is set in Straya. Well, a sort of Straya. You can’t go to the back of Bourke, because it’s next to the Yarra Valley. Then ya travel south on the Great Ocean Road to get to Byron Bay!

Fair bite of the pineapple donut, Bruce, what the fuck’s goin’ on there, mate?

I could say “Stupid pommy bastards”, but it’s to make for a larger playable area with several captivatin’ environments to experience.

Geez, that was a really bloody wanky sentence, Bruce. You sounded like a poo...

But Baz! How grouse is it to drive on the right side of the road – which is the left, right? - in a ripper drivin’ game and not gettin’ hit head-on by mongrel dickheads all the bloody time? Then there’s seein’ Aussie Post boxes, familiar phone boxes, real dinkum Aussie signs and even friggin’ dingoes and ’roos! Plus ya can stick to the roads, or go totally bush-bashin’!

Yeah, I s’pose it sounds pretty bloody bonza, Bruce.

Defo mate, and sheilas can play now and not have to pretend they've got dongers! The game even includes their names when talkin’ at ’em and stuff.

Stone the bloody crows! They’ll be wantin’ to drive utes next!

They can!

Bruce, mate, the world’s changin’...

Fair dinkum it is. Chick or bloke, ya run the whole Horizon shebang, so ya can create your own beaut races and shit, and even stick ’em on that newfangled “internet” thing. Ya can make teams with yer mates, play co-op online, get convoys happenin’, race against blimps and fang it over crazy bloody jumps tryin’ not to come a gutser! Challenges range from pieces of piss to shittin’ yourself roolly hard. Oh, and ya can pick yer own number plate without payin’ a bloody fortune to the bloody government, too.

Sounds pretty schmick, Bruce...

Too right, Baz, it’s a heaps deadset bloody bottler!

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