FORZA HORIZON 3
Playground Games/Microsoft Studios
Strewth Bruce, look at all them posh frick’n cars! That’s a bloody
outrage, it is! Where’re all the Holdens and Fords and... UTES?!
Umm, they’re up there, Bazza, maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaate.
Y’ see, this ’ere Forza Horizon 3 doovalacky,
with all the bloody young’uns and their shit DOOF music lairin’ it
up in their cars, is set in Straya. Well, a sort of Straya. You
can’t go to the back of Bourke, because it’s next to the Yarra
Valley. Then ya travel south on the Great Ocean Road to get to
Fair bite of the pineapple donut, Bruce, what the
fuck’s goin’ on there, mate?
I could say “Stupid pommy
bastards”, but it’s to make for a larger playable area with several
captivatin’ environments to experience.
Geez, that was a
really bloody wanky sentence, Bruce. You sounded like a poo...
But Baz! How grouse is it to drive on the right side
of the road – which is the left, right? - in a ripper drivin’ game
and not gettin’ hit head-on by mongrel dickheads all the bloody
time? Then there’s seein’ Aussie Post boxes, familiar phone boxes,
real dinkum Aussie signs and even friggin’ dingoes and ’roos! Plus
ya can stick to the roads, or go totally bush-bashin’!
I s’pose it sounds pretty bloody bonza, Bruce.
Defo mate, and
sheilas can play now and not have to pretend they've got dongers! The
game even includes their names when talkin’ at ’em and stuff.
Stone the bloody crows! They’ll be wantin’ to drive utes next!
Bruce, mate, the world’s changin’...
Fair dinkum it is. Chick or bloke, ya run the whole Horizon shebang,
so ya can create your own beaut races and shit, and even stick ’em
on that newfangled “internet” thing. Ya can make teams with yer
mates, play co-op online, get convoys happenin’, race against blimps
and fang it over crazy bloody jumps tryin’ not to come a gutser!
Challenges range from pieces of piss to shittin’ yourself roolly
hard. Oh, and ya can pick yer own number plate without payin’ a
bloody fortune to the bloody government, too.
Too right, Baz, it’s a heaps deadset bloody