FRUIT NINJA KINECT
Fruit. They’re pious fuckers. “We’re so full of vitamins, minerals
and fibre and shit, we make you see better, we stop you getting
scurvy...”. Blah blah – pithy, pippy, pulpy pricks. You’re not the
only sources of healthy stuff, so shut the hell up.
Or, why not shut them the hell up yourself? Yep, Halfbrick have
known the score for a while with their portable fruit slashing
escapades, and now it’s time to get all ginsu ninjitsu on the big
If you’re unfamiliar, read the last paragraph again. Fruit’s chucked
about and you slash it up. That’s it – mouth breathing’s harder to
There’s arcade mode (time stress and bonus bananas), classic
(survive without slashing three kaboomy balls (OK, ‘bombs’)) and zen
(90 seconds of bomb-free a-slashination). Want to step up the Three
Stooges-like physical comedy? Two can play simultaneously. The
keyword here’s “ouch!” – or possibly “Why-I-youghta!”.
Fruit Ninja has, unapologetically, never been deep, rather
something you can slash and burn for a couple of minutes then get on
with existing. It’s the same here, just fiddlier to set up. Still,
once going it’s a fab, affordable party backgrounder, with peeps
able to go fruit saladistic sadistic before carrying on with the
flirting, imbibing, chundering and such.
Whereas on iStuff fingers are your deadly bladey weapons, here it’s
full body – the ‘Kinect’ in the title perhaps a spoiler. As such,
your Kinect-nabbed live silhouette’s plopped onscreen and you flail
arms to go hacky on those varmint fruitses. We’re not sure if you’re
supposed to, but when we missed the odd strawbererry and it was
about to exit, stage bottom we often managed to catch it with a
Fuck damn it, this is exercise! That goody-goody fruit never gives
up with the bloody healthy agenda. Smarmy bastiches.