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POSTED 29/9/14


FUTURIDIUM EP DELUXE

MixedBag



Idís not eezee being an ageing Terminator.

I was once young, virile and shaped like Hulk Hogan. Now Iím old, sterile and shaped like Paul Hogan.

I used to kick ass and take no crap, now I pass gas and take Metamucil to make me crap.

I used to say, ďIíll be backĒ. Now I say, ďIíve a crook backĒ.

I once loved my vocation. Now I need a vacation.

Videogames used to be uzi Ė uh, easy. Now deyíre hard.

Age catches up wid us all.

Maybe datís why I had so much trouble playing Futuridium. Idís not a tumour, idís a 3D version of de classic 1980s Ė I like da 1980s - Andrew Braybrook Commodore 64 space shootah Uridium. But with more colour, coolah music and more toughness.

If dat means nutting to you, get to da spaceship. Hop in id. Get your ass to Mars. Fly over huge dreadnaughts. Shoot boxy blue shit. Blow up cores. Donít crash Ė if you want to live!

Futuridium is also a bit Starwing, and due to da change from 2D to 3D might remind you of da trench bit from Star Wars. Why did dey cast that poncy gold robot? Dey should have had a Terminator in dat role! Iíd have shown dat pussy Darth Vader a ding or two...

So back to trouble. Futuridium is harder dan I was in my heyday. If you get through da first batch of 10 levels den you deserve more medals dan id gives you. Make id further and you deserve even more medals. Beat even one crayzee time challenge and youíll be ordained a god. Really!

Dis is one amazing game for letting off steam, but its hardness will deter all but da most hardened arcade fans. Iím not shitting on you.

Criminally, doze other pardy poopers will tell id hasta la vista, baybee. Dickwads!

take me back to the start...

 



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ALL WRITTEN CONTENT COPYRIGHT © AMY FLOWER 2008-2017. GAME IMAGES COURTESY OF RESPECTIVE GAMES COMPANIES.