PS3/PSN (also on Xbox 360/XBLA, PC)
Retzelfretzelmetzelpretzel... frerrgrrfrerrgrrmrrf... crawl, fumble,
grope - aaaaaaaaah, gotcha! That’s the second time our contact’s
taken a suicide leap from our ocular thingy in the last hour. It
tends to happen when you’re too engrossed to blink...
Ladles and jellyspoons, addiction has a new name, and it’s a two-parter
(uh, if you’re a bit s-l-o-w, that’s ‘Gatling’ and ‘Gears’). Imagine
purloining the utter arcade shooty awesomeness of Smash TV,
giving it an Ikari Warriors makeover then jamming it on
scrolly-scrolly rails of pleasure and you’ll be careening down the
Visually there’s a kinda old-fashioned metallic, geary, steamy thing
going on – you could say it has somewhat of a punk ethos. Hmm,
steam, punk... what? Erm... yeah! Let’s call it ‘vapourbrat’. Rather
than shiny and new, everything’s generally rusty and lived-in, but
that doesn’t stop it trying to kill several shades of shite out of
Actually, we could have just shrieked “mech!” and it would have had
many sold. You control such a nutsy-boltsy beastie, armed with
cannons, missiles, grenades and the odd ‘spark’ bomb (UNGH! Speak
about destruction!). Deploy this arsenal vaguely strategically and you’ll
earn currency, which in turn can be exchanged for goods and services
like power-ups, power-ups and more power-ups as you kaboom a swathe
through everywhere you go. Add the occasional stumbled-upon
hypermification of those weapons and we’re talking mega
twin-stick shooty-shooty ya-yas release via five levels each containing four
sub-levels and a boss battle, the latter bigger and badder than
Barry Hall mid-brainfart.
Repetitive? Yeah. Boring? Nuh-uh. Even two can play, simultaneously
Gatling Gears is about as groundbreaking as a marshmallow
bulldozer, but why the fuck should everything be new and different?
It grabs familiar and popular mechanics then takes them for its own
spin. It’s aceness on a stick*.
* Stick sold separately.