POSTED 30/3/11


GHOSTBUSTERS: SANCTUM OF SLIME

Atari
PS3/PSN (also on Xbox 360/XBLA, PC)

Who ya gonna call? PLAYTESTERS!

It’s a shame Atari didn’t for this utter mess that’s an affront to every dual stick shooter that’s ever been, or ever will be. That’s not to mention the insult it is to Egon, Ray, Venkman and Winston’s fine enterprise.

The original foursome should be really fucking relieved that they play little part in this fetid flop. The story involves them being really, really, ridiculously busy, so they hire interns as another ghostbusting team. Or something.

Cue an isometric overhead view thingy that resembles the great arcade deity Smash TV in that it’s an isometric overhead view twin stick shooter thingy. Sadly, that’s where any resemblance ends, for Smash TV rocked.

We don’t know about you, but when we head out to bust ghosts we want to arm ourselves with seriously impressive firepower. What we’re given here has all the oomph of a Care Bear fart. Woo! There’s a proton pack. Boo! It’s wimpier than Horace Wimp. Two other weapons are introduced, but they make the proton pack feel positively Schwarzeneggerish and testosterone oozy (9mm).

Meanwhile, the camera appears to have been possessed by the ghost of Lars von Trier (Huh? He’s still alive? That can be rectified). You’ll toddle along, hating life, when the screen will do the Time Warp with a massive jump to the left.

There’s no balance. Four players can go at it and have some hope of getting through, but if you’re solo you are fucked. Certain enemies fling themselves at you with such velocity they’re unavoidable, and they laugh in the face of your puny peashooters. Haha! Boo! Haha! Boo! Hahahahahahahahaha! Cark it – and you will - and a teammate can revive you, but it takes so bloody long that they’ll invariably be slimed during the process.

In this case, bustin’ makes us feel BAD.

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