GUITAR HERO: VAN HALEN
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, Wii, PS2)
some. Sans the two exclamation marks that creep in as a Van Halen
song title and muttered dejectedly like John Cusack did in ’80s
wonder-flick Better Off Dead, it kinda sums up the whole
Guitar Hero thang. Everybody wants their piece of the pie – and
Activision seemingly want more helpings than there are servings.
So, a reasonably popular and enduring hair metal act now gets their
own edition of GH. Well, it’s theirs in name, but there are
25 songs by them and 19 by others as diverse as Weezer and Queen,
The Clash and Judas Priest. Meanwhile, Fountains of Wayne may reckon
Stacy’s Mom’s got it goin’ on, but we have to go all Marvin and ask
“what’s goin’ on?” with that particular inclusion...
Ignoring these irrelevancies to the title as advertised, there’s
also much historical revisionism goin’ on. Like the dedicated
Aerosmith and Metallica games before this, you can play guitar,
bass, drums or tonsils with representative band member avatars. But
as long as they’re current day Dave, Eddie, Alex and heir (hair?)
apparent Wolfgang (seriously Eddie, who the fuck calls their son
Wolfgang?). Significant parts of the band’s history – say, Sammy
Hagar - just don’t exist, and you have to plough through more cock
rock than a schlock jock’s iPod dock to unlock more familiar hairy
‘80s examples. Sadly, Wolfgang doesn’t become the spermatozoa he
should be, flip-flopping about the stage.
So, it’s all Dave Lee Roth era stuff, but myopia doesn’t just extend
to the song choices. All the yummy new features from Guitar Hero
V that gave the franchise a necessary kick up the clacker ain’t
here, as ain’t (urk!) any fan bits and bobs like those that added
something for the passionate within GHs Aerosmith and
Meh, everybody wants some.