PS3/PSN (also on Xbox 360/XBLA)
in the 1980s, ‘Wild’ Bill Stealey ruled the computerised skies as
boss of Microprose. If you wanted a flight sim, he was your man. So,
to this phoenix-like return, Girl Flight...
Erm, hang on,
it’s actually Girl Fight. Oops.
At this juncture we must
point out that Microprose now is Microprose in name only. Like those
cheap Chinese knock-off stereos that brandish the logos of
once-respected household names. Heck, it even happened to Commodore
Still, admittedly there’s truth in advertising here,
as what this is called is what you get. A 2D beat ’em up vaguely
akin to less-finessed King of Fighters and older Street Fighter
incarnations. But it’s all girl-on-girl action! PHWOAR!
seems to be set inside some sort of Animus meets The Matrix grid
dealie, with an X-grade GLaDOS impersonator passing vague and
that often has zero to do with what’s actually happening onscreen.
Several scantily clad, impossibly-proportioned
women-almost-in-uniform, from sword-bearers to amputees (seriously!),
run the gamut of pervy kink fantasies. Win a series of bouts – and
you will once you realise that all you have to do is mash the kick
button repeatedly - and a borderline pornographic,
salaciously-posed image of your fighter is displayed.
Girl Fight appears to want to be some
sort of Playboy-styled
Dead or Alive. The latter’s big bouncy booby
physics may be bonkers, but at least there’s a solid game behind
them. While presentation here is sometimes decent – in particular
the electronic soundtrack - the game is as tawdry as the apparent
intent, which appears to have been to spurt out a wank fantasy for
mentally-challenged teenage boys.
If ‘Wild’ Bill claps his
eyes on this claptrap we reckon he’ll hastily warm up one of his
screaming jets for an assault on the perpetrators.