review
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POSTED 29/10/13


GIRL FIGHT

Microprose

PS3/PSN (also on Xbox 360/XBLA)

Back in the 1980s, ‘Wild’ Bill Stealey ruled the computerised skies as boss of Microprose. If you wanted a flight sim, he was your man. So, to this phoenix-like return, Girl Flight...

Erm, hang on, it’s actually Girl Fight. Oops.

At this juncture we must point out that Microprose now is Microprose in name only. Like those cheap Chinese knock-off stereos that brandish the logos of once-respected household names. Heck, it even happened to Commodore (sob).

Still, admittedly there’s truth in advertising here, as what this is called is what you get. A 2D beat ’em up vaguely akin to less-finessed King of Fighters and older Street Fighter incarnations. But it’s all girl-on-girl action! PHWOAR!

It seems to be set inside some sort of Animus meets The Matrix grid dealie, with an X-grade GLaDOS impersonator passing vague and disjointed commentary that often has zero to do with what’s actually happening onscreen.

Several scantily clad, impossibly-proportioned women-almost-in-uniform, from sword-bearers to amputees (seriously!), run the gamut of pervy kink fantasies. Win a series of bouts – and you will once you realise that all you have to do is mash the kick button repeatedly - and a borderline pornographic, salaciously-posed image of your fighter is displayed. PHWOARRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!

Girl Fight appears to want to be some sort of Playboy-styled Dead or Alive. The latter’s big bouncy booby physics may be bonkers, but at least there’s a solid game behind them. While presentation here is sometimes decent – in particular the electronic soundtrack - the game is as tawdry as the apparent intent, which appears to have been to spurt out a wank fantasy for mentally-challenged teenage boys.

If ‘Wild’ Bill claps his eyes on this claptrap we reckon he’ll hastily warm up one of his screaming jets for an assault on the perpetrators. PHWOARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!

take me back to the start...

 



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ALL WRITTEN CONTENT COPYRIGHT © AMY FLOWER 2008-2017. GAME IMAGES COURTESY OF RESPECTIVE GAMES COMPANIES.