GRAND THEFT AUTO V
Inexcusable misogynistic drivel.
Right, that’s our thoughts
on The Footy Show sorted...
As for this
now-genified, graphics-bolstered mix of Rockstar’s latest
licence-to-print-moolah, welcome back to Los Santos – a microcosm of
every shitty, de-evolutional, vapid, self-absorbed, witless and otherwise
hope-sucking stereotype of human nature, where shallowness is
It’s a little too real...
Not content with one boring old
protagonist, you eventually have three to puppeteer. Snoop Fiddy
West, Tony Soprano and The Joker. Well OK, gangbanger homeboy
Franklin, retired mobster-type Michael and crackheadinous nutjob
Trevor. Their stories intersect, whether you assail main missions,
side jobbies, or just fuck freely in the seriously sizeamariffic,
infinitely playable playground offered.
2 Unlimited once
intoned “No-no, no-no-no-no, no-no-no-no, no-no there’s no limits”,
and if not for some 20-plus years between it and GTAV
fucking logic, it could’ve been about this open world treat. Wanna
nab a jetski and piss off seawards? OK. But sharks have pointy
teeth. Wanna just drive, pretty much anywhere? Sure – but real world
physics rule. Wanna go all Grand Theft Jumbo? Sure thing!
But watch those wings, they’re surprisingly delicate...
run, drive, bike, fly, sail. Dress-up, amass arsenals, collect
collectibles, garage motors, customise the latter. Frolic with the
dog, play tennis or golf, listen to the packed-with-extra-tunes radio, movie watch, market-speculate. Make
friends, influence people, blow brains out. Get pissed, touch
merchandise – we’re only scratching the surface.
that wussy third-person shit, you can do first-person now. It can be
quite the eye-opener...
Sexist? GTAV obviously sets out to
skewer the rubbish of modern life, eschewing fear or favour. Sure,
the three playable peeps have dicks, but they’re hardly brandished
as admirable moral compasses. Piss is extracted from everybody, be
they male, female, religious, secular, smart, dumb...
Heartbreakingly, anybody who thinks women have real world equality
even in 2014 is delusional. Pathetic recent events substantiate our
So let’s just drop the
politics, play a game and revel in it, OK? Los Santos, FUCK YEAH!