THE HOUSE OF THE DEAD 4
all you wanna do is ‘BLAT! BLAT! BLAT! BLAT!’ then here is the
house. Even though there isn’t a house as such.
Titular inaccuracies aside, this ace arcade light gun romp comes
home in the opposite way that the cup in the Lightning Seeds’ 'Three
Lions' song did. As such, it actually has come home, as long as
you’ve a PS3 and, preferably, a Move setup. You can play without,
however it’s somewhat akin to drumming with cooked spaghetti.
As always, the story’s about as deep as a contact lens... that’s
been stomped on by an arsehole commuter after popping out of your
eye and you were obviously scrabbling about the train’s floor for a
reason, but they jackbooted their way through anyway, leaving you
staggering home with just fuzz for vision. Not that we’ve ever been
in that situation, no...
Anyway, all you need know is that there’s a relentless parade of
muties, and you’ve a near-relentless cache of machine gun bullets to
fire at said muties however you see fit. You may take the strategic
route and go for the points with perfect headshots, or the
scattergun, ‘fuck you!’ Cee Lo approach and just rapid
fire/reload/rapid fire/reload repeatedly until you’re almost
synchronised swimming in a sea of mutie gloop.
There’s not much else at all, save for boss muties to get a tad more
strategic with. This is the beauty of THOTD4 for arcade fans,
and the deviltry for those who feel games must have more depth than
a Latin translation of Nietzsche scraped onto the Titanic’s sunken
hull in a fit of pique by undersea urchins who usually just play
dumb when humans are around – which isn’t very often when you’re six
fucking miles underwater.
Go straight to Hell, muties...