POSTED 22/4/12


THE HOUSE OF THE DEAD 4

SEGA
PS3/PSN/Move

If all you wanna do is ‘BLAT! BLAT! BLAT! BLAT!’ then here is the house. Even though there isn’t a house as such.

Titular inaccuracies aside, this ace arcade light gun romp comes home in the opposite way that the cup in the Lightning Seeds’ 'Three Lions' song did. As such, it actually has come home, as long as you’ve a PS3 and, preferably, a Move setup. You can play without, however it’s somewhat akin to drumming with cooked spaghetti.

As always, the story’s about as deep as a contact lens... that’s been stomped on by an arsehole commuter after popping out of your eye and you were obviously scrabbling about the train’s floor for a reason, but they jackbooted their way through anyway, leaving you staggering home with just fuzz for vision. Not that we’ve ever been in that situation, no...

Anyway, all you need know is that there’s a relentless parade of muties, and you’ve a near-relentless cache of machine gun bullets to fire at said muties however you see fit. You may take the strategic route and go for the points with perfect headshots, or the scattergun, ‘fuck you!’ Cee Lo approach and just rapid fire/reload/rapid fire/reload repeatedly until you’re almost synchronised swimming in a sea of mutie gloop.

There’s not much else at all, save for boss muties to get a tad more strategic with. This is the beauty of THOTD4 for arcade fans, and the deviltry for those who feel games must have more depth than a Latin translation of Nietzsche scraped onto the Titanic’s sunken hull in a fit of pique by undersea urchins who usually just play dumb when humans are around – which isn’t very often when you’re six fucking miles underwater.

Go straight to Hell, muties...

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