in advertising isn’t exactly commonplace.
daily by questionable claims about everything from fizzy drinks to
motor vehicles. Imagine if Coke went the “It's yummy, but can strip
paint” angle. What if Holden said “Yeah, the Barina’s a shitty
buzzbox, but it’s cheap.”? Not. Gonna. Happen.
So, when a
game called Hungry Giraffe comes along that’s about a
hungry giraffe, we feel a smidgeon squeeeeeeriffic. Just as
Angry Birds is simply about
pissed off avian entities, this simple diversion focuses upon an
ungulate mammal of extraordinary loftiness who’s fairly famished.
Actually, he’s an utter piggy-guts. You control his head as it
shooms skywards, mouth masticating madly as it passes over
foodstuffs that gets nutritionists all yay-squirmy – apples,
strawberries - to comestibles that get those same white coat wearers
all GRRRRtastical – burgers, chips, tacos. The more calorie-bulgy,
the quicker HG goes up. If you don’t chomp enough – or neck poison
or any of oodles of psychotropics littered about, or bonce-slam any
of innumerable gravity-defying anvils - then you’re pretty much
Yep, Hungry Giraffe has problems beyond an
empty tummy-wummy (but a bitch ain’t one). Head control is wonky via
motion or the saner thumbstick option, especially when free-falling
from lack of foodular ingestion. Usually once this begins you’re
stuffed, as one strawberry – often all that’s within chomping
distance - does not an upward thrust make. Then there are those
pills. It’s bad enough that the screen often goes black, black and
blacker upon gulping them, but when they turn everything arse-about,
reversing controls, you can’t help but think that somebody involved
is a scoundrel of scant imagination. Well, beyond making a game
about a ravenous ruminant, natch! Aids can be purchased with in-game
currency, but require crazy grinding.
Unlike Laughing Jackal’s
magnificent Cubixx HD,
Hungry Giraffe’s more irritating than fun – and that’s the
Whoops, we left the gas on...