POSTED 20/3/13


HUNGRY GIRAFFE

Laughing Jackal
VIta/PSN

Truth in advertising isn’t exactly commonplace.

We’re barraged daily by questionable claims about everything from fizzy drinks to motor vehicles. Imagine if Coke went the “It's yummy, but can strip paint” angle. What if Holden said “Yeah, the Barina’s a shitty buzzbox, but it’s cheap.”? Not. Gonna. Happen.

So, when a game called Hungry Giraffe comes along that’s about a hungry giraffe, we feel a smidgeon squeeeeeeriffic. Just as Angry Birds is simply about pissed off avian entities, this simple diversion focuses upon an ungulate mammal of extraordinary loftiness who’s fairly famished.

Actually, he’s an utter piggy-guts. You control his head as it shooms skywards, mouth masticating madly as it passes over foodstuffs that gets nutritionists all yay-squirmy – apples, strawberries - to comestibles that get those same white coat wearers all GRRRRtastical – burgers, chips, tacos. The more calorie-bulgy, the quicker HG goes up. If you don’t chomp enough – or neck poison or any of oodles of psychotropics littered about, or bonce-slam any of innumerable gravity-defying anvils - then you’re pretty much fucked.

Yep, Hungry Giraffe has problems beyond an empty tummy-wummy (but a bitch ain’t one). Head control is wonky via motion or the saner thumbstick option, especially when free-falling from lack of foodular ingestion. Usually once this begins you’re stuffed, as one strawberry – often all that’s within chomping distance - does not an upward thrust make. Then there are those pills. It’s bad enough that the screen often goes black, black and blacker upon gulping them, but when they turn everything arse-about, reversing controls, you can’t help but think that somebody involved is a scoundrel of scant imagination. Well, beyond making a game about a ravenous ruminant, natch! Aids can be purchased with in-game currency, but require crazy grinding.

Unlike Laughing Jackal’s magnificent Cubixx HD, Hungry Giraffe’s more irritating than fun – and that’s the tooth.

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