JUST DANCE 2014
(also on PS3/Move, Wii U, Wii)
boogie in your butt? Look, we know picking your nose is frowned
upon by many, but there are less pooey places to dispose of your
Oops, wrong boogie. Which deserves a rousing
round of “Duh!” considering the words “Just Dance” which hover
somewhere above this very sentence.
Yep, it’s our annual dose
of Ubisoft’s ace party machine, a dance game that focuses more on
fun than being some sort of robotic, photocopied moves, mutant
cross between Fred Astaire, Arlene Phillips, 1980s battery-operated
plastic flowers with cute little sunnies and that creepy baby from
That being said, you do get to do the
robot with Daft Punk feat Pharrell Williams (how despicable, credit
snubbing Chic’s Nile Rodgers), just one of 13 (!) acts here with ‘feat’.
Well, we guess you need them to dance...
Fuck, now we’re
resorting to dad gags.
Cue incredulous chorus of “NOW?!”
Anyway... Even more than last year’s JD4, the track
listing is short-sighted, much to the game’s detriment. No indie
stuff here folks, and little that isn’t recent doof-based chart
fodder or retro dance cheese, save for a cartoon show tune,
‘Ghostbusters’ and a ’60s throwback or two. Still, Mungo Jerry’s ‘In
the Summertime’ does allow you to do big plushie fruit without
having to wrangle a Husqvarna.
The operative word here is
‘tweak’, although a new MMO-like multiplayer affair and the ability
to eschew the spotlight as a backup dancer are entertaining. The
vaguely exercisical ‘Just Sweat’ is now more pervasive, and extra
effects exist if you’re so up yourself that you think that anybody
anywhere actually cares about your uploaded dance routines.
Insanely, there’s still no song export/import from older versions.
Still, for fun party neon graphical dance infusion, we know who
we’re gonna call...