JUST DANCE 2016
in 2015, the UN Security Council snuck through a resolution making
it mandatory that everything in the world ever includes ‘Uptown
Funk’ by Mark Ronson ‘feat’ Bruno Mars.
the world over scramble to meet this requirement, lest they be
bombed by rather oxymoronically-monikered peacekeeping forces for
their insubordination, Ubisoft have it sorted – of course!
Yes, it should go without saying that this annual release of their
unbeatable dayglo party favour Just Dance includes the
omnipresent hit. It also includes many other chart things, which
will be revelled in by most anybody under the age of 15.
Unfortunately that sense of derring-do (yes he did sir!) which
pervaded most previous JD releases – where classic new
wave, rock and even (gulp!) indie territory was plundered - has been
hurled out the window, with a brick tied to it to ensure that it
disappears without a vaguely floaty whimper. There‘s scarcely
anything other than modern chart fodder – plus shitty covers and
Disney stuff, be it from movies or former Mouseketeer types - among
the 44 tracks here. Unless you pay to subscribe to Just Dance
Unlimited, which is where they hide the good stuff...
Begrudgingly getting past one of the franchise’s most myopic
playlists yet, control methods are plenty. Talking PS4, for that’s
what we’re talking, your old Move controller works (assuming it’ll
still hold a charge), as will the PS4 camera (albeit a tad shakily)
or a smartphone app. Actually, to clarify, an iPhone or Android app,
for the Windows Phone version only seems to support the Xbone. On
this we call shenanigans...
As well as the familiar solo or
group play, some new modes say hello, including ‘Dance Quest’ –
which has you challenging your console - and ‘Showtime’, which
allows you to get all care-and-share with recorded performances
It’s as fun as ever, but that playli... Shit, the
UN’s knocking! Uh, GIRLS HIT YOUR HALLELUJAH – WOOOOOOOOO!