POSTED 13/9/13


KILLZONE: MERCENARY

Sony
Vita

DIE MOTHERFU- ow.

DIE MOTHERFUC- ow!

DIE MOTHEFUCKE- bugger.

We really need to rethink our gung-ho approach to these FPS things. In fact, Killzone: Mercenary managed it, simply as we wouldn’t have progressed past the first minute (cutscenes excluded) should we have not kept calm and been sneaky. Before gunning the living fuck out of those creepy red-eyed Helghan bastards! RARRRRRR!!!

Which raises an interesting point. As the title ably intimates, in this particular Killzone you’re a mercenary. As such you don’t give a fig whose side you’re on, as long as bucks are stumped up. So, you flit between being all Helghast cuddly-wuddly and get-your-ya-yas-out ASI. Surely it’d have to cause conflicts in the staffroom when you may very well have blown Bob’s mate away the previous week? Naturally we don’t mean in the ‘impressed his socks off” understanding of the term, either.

But anyway, all anybody really cares about here is whether the Vita finally has a hot first-person shooter that looks ace. It does.

More? You want more?!

Well, if you go solo (umm, IRL, as you’ve a buddy in-game) you get a campaign that – if you don’t suck - will last about a full Vita charge. There’s return value though in trying alternate tactics, tackling harder difficulties and finding missed bits, but hardcore wannabe army types will likely prefer multiplayer. Obviously the play quality of the three variations here will vary depending upon whether you land experienced fighters or softcock wet fish (like ourselves) who have NFI what’s going on, and as such say “Ow!” a lot as we completely stuff our team’s death count.

Meanwhile, most touchy-feely Vita things are optional, save for the odd absolutely stabulous moment when melee-assaulting somebody, or easily touchable weapon selections to the side of the screen.

Now, back into the fray. DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE! Ha!

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