KINECT SPORTS RIVALS
Microsoft Game Studios
Hello. Iíd like to tell you about once being cool, until I sold
pocketing fuckloads of cash to flog an online sports
Yes, Iím Samuel L Jackson, and Iím a douche.
Also, if youíve had it up to here with these motherfucking sports on
your motherfucking console then you may wish to change channels Ė
like we do whenever Sammy hits our telly aiming to corrupt every kid
watching the footy... and likely adults of diminished mental
capacity who donít realise that itís a massive con.
Of course if
you have an Xbox One then this is actually the first multi-sports
game, so you canít have had it up to here, etcetera. You may even be
excited. Donít be, for we bet youíll be unhappy...
sweat-inducing events feature. Old staples tennis, soccer and
bowling, plus shooting, climbing and jet-skiing. They all try to
justify the existence of that hunka-hunka burniní uselessness called
Kinect that you had to get when you got Xboned. They donít do a very
Youíve two options. Jump in, unable to select your own
characters or accrue points, but able to pursue whichever pursuit
you wish to pursue. Or, get all scanned, have a vaguely-you avatar
created (although we looked like Manda Rin from Bis, and we donít
normally) and get down to serious stuff accrual Ė while enduring a
drill sergeant instructor who makes you wish Kinect was truly
interactive so you could kick his fucking teeth in. Much like we
feel about Sammy when those ads home invade.
The vagaries of
motion control rule here. Tennis? Vague, simple. Soccer? Vague,
simple. Bowling? Vague, simple. Shooting? Vague, naff and simple.
Climbing? Vague, simple. Jet skiing? Vague, simple...
of these would be more enjoyable controlled with a controller,
making Kinect Sports Rivals pointless. Much like Samuel L Jackson