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POSTED 21/4/14


KINECT SPORTS RIVALS

Microsoft Game Studios
Xbox One

Hello. Iíd like to tell you about once being cool, until I sold out completely, pocketing fuckloads of cash to flog an online sports betting company.

Yes, Iím Samuel L Jackson, and Iím a douche. Also, if youíve had it up to here with these motherfucking sports on your motherfucking console then you may wish to change channels Ė like we do whenever Sammy hits our telly aiming to corrupt every kid watching the footy... and likely adults of diminished mental capacity who donít realise that itís a massive con.

Of course if you have an Xbox One then this is actually the first multi-sports game, so you canít have had it up to here, etcetera. You may even be excited. Donít be, for we bet youíll be unhappy...

Six vaguely sweat-inducing events feature. Old staples tennis, soccer and bowling, plus shooting, climbing and jet-skiing. They all try to justify the existence of that hunka-hunka burniní uselessness called Kinect that you had to get when you got Xboned. They donít do a very good job.

Youíve two options. Jump in, unable to select your own characters or accrue points, but able to pursue whichever pursuit you wish to pursue. Or, get all scanned, have a vaguely-you avatar created (although we looked like Manda Rin from Bis, and we donít normally) and get down to serious stuff accrual Ė while enduring a drill sergeant instructor who makes you wish Kinect was truly interactive so you could kick his fucking teeth in. Much like we feel about Sammy when those ads home invade.

The vagaries of motion control rule here. Tennis? Vague, simple. Soccer? Vague, simple. Bowling? Vague, simple. Shooting? Vague, naff and simple. Climbing? Vague, simple. Jet skiing? Vague, simple...

Simply, all of these would be more enjoyable controlled with a controller, making Kinect Sports Rivals pointless. Much like Samuel L Jackson nowadays.

take me back to the start...

 



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ALL WRITTEN CONTENT COPYRIGHT © AMY FLOWER 2008-2017. GAME IMAGES COURTESY OF RESPECTIVE GAMES COMPANIES.