KINECT STAR WARS
Not again! “May the fourth be with you!”. Uh-huh, we’ve only heard
that one 1,138 times today...
Yep, we’re missing the Star Wars gene. We don’t get religious
about it, couldn’t be arsed seeing the fourth, fifth and sixth
flicks that masqueraded as the first, second and third ones, and
can’t recite all those bizarrely monikered planets blindfolded. But
hey, the first, second and third films, now masquerading as the
fourth, fifth and sixth, were super-adventurefuntastical.
Speaking of weirdly named planets, this here motion-controlled
shindig commences on one that we suspect George Lucas typed with a
sticky ‘y’ key on his Remington, Kashyyyk. There are several Star
Warsian modes. Undergo ‘Jedi Destiny’ and learn to ‘FWOOOZH!’
your lightsaber with the best you do, harness the Force to chuck
stuff around, scoot about on speeder bikes, space battle and, erm,
run, jump, duck and sidestep. It’s interspersed within often lengthy
cutscenes, unfurling another tale for the faithful.
Otherwise, there’s ‘Podracing’ (skill-free Mario Kart – if
you don’t steer it basically follows the racing line regardless),
‘Rancor Rampage’, whereby you’re a big, bleurghy beastie going ‘Hulk
smash!’ (Rampage in 3D, essentially) and ‘Galactic Dance
Off’, a watered-down Dance Central featuring Star Warsian
songs and, yes, dancers.
Yep, the last one’s daggier than fuck – even hosts C-3PO and R2-D2
rip the piss out of it. Well, we think the souped-up Dyson does, as
he bedeeps enthusiastically. You see, Kinect Star Wars is a
kids’ game – and there’s nothing wrong with that. It’s well
presented, mostly well implemented Kinect-wise, and has a rich vein
of fun and humour running through it like a lightsaber slicing
through galactic margarine.
Sure, the Jeff Albertsons of the world will scoff and mock, but
they’re not who this was made for. Go back to wasting everybody’s
time listing your religion as ‘Jedi’ on the census, guys.