KUNG FU PANDA 2
Xbox 360/Kinect (also on PS3, Wii, DS)
unhip – and unhop. We thought Grandmaster Flash was the Furious
Five’s supremo. Now it appears some Po-faced (and bodied and
everything else, ‘cos his name is actually ‘Po’) fat black and white
panda’s muscled him off his turf. No respect...
Yeah, yeah, whatever. We didn’t hear Po dropping any Flash rhymes,
but he did drop several opponents. BAM!
Kung Fu Panda 2, released to tie in with the same-named flick
(well duh!), is a kung-fu game aimed at kids. So we got some.
They’re cheaper by the dozen.
After faffing with the Kinect longer than should be necessary – a
fault of the hardware as it needs a fucking warehouse to operate in
- we finally managed to get a kid into the action. After a loading
screen... and a tutorial... and another loading screen. They kicked,
punched and jumped briefly, before the interruptions returned,
whereby the kids sighed a communal “bored now” and went off in
search of grannies to chrome, or whatever it is those young
whippersnappers get up to these days. Not particularly encouraging
for a game that’s aimed right between their eyes.
If you were hoping for a solid fighter then you’re shit out of luck,
as this is basic. You punch and kick at whatever
anthropomorphically-charged animal assails you, but there’s no flow,
as generally canned animations play out. You’re prompted to call –
literally - for members of the F5 sometimes, but if Kinect don’t
understand there’s just a bothersome pause pregnant enough to gestate nonuplets.
Attack alternates with defence sections, where you impersonate any
of The Beatles at the Help! cover shoot, then repeat. Luckily
some minigames break proceedings occasionally, but not enough.
KFP2’s charming, sure, but it’s like a jungle sometimes –
riddled with crap that gets in your way.