POSTED 17/2/11


MASS EFFECT 2

EA
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, PC)

Let’s try condensing the Star Trek story into one sentence. Curiously-cadenced captain with penchant for snogging anything that moves leads politically correctly chosen crew including pointy-eared dude and bloke who cannae push it any harder through adventures in space.

It just doesn’t cut it.

We could try summarising Mass Effect 2 – a RPG/TPS (for the “bwah?” emitting, that’s Role Playing Game/Third-Person Shooter) - in similar fashion, although we’d be doing it just as much disservice. It may not assimilate an entire bookcase like a Star Trek box set, yet it packs a mighty sci-fi wallop.

But hey, we'll try anyway! As Commander [insert chosen name here] Shepard – be that chick or bloke - you lead a group on... a mission. For further spoiler aversion we were going to spin shit about marauding synthetic Goth armies led by Andrew Eldritch, but that would just be dumb as they’re synthetic Geth armies – so obviously they’re led by Androw Oldritch. But seriously folks, you’re a product of ‘The Lazarus Project’ and have been reconstituted after being FWOOMPed into space when the SSV Normandy went BOOM now, so fuck it, suicide mission? Why not?!

Numerous cutscenes with occasional interactive outbreaks usually make us consider snuggling with winos a preferable pursuit. Mass Effect 2 scuppered that (sorry to all brown paper bag toters whose hopes for lurve we’ve just dashed) as it’s just so enveloping.

You get superb writing, voice acting, pacing, humour AND an elusive man, impressively non-convoluted controls (considering how many functions hang off one wheel sticky-taped to R2) and four DLC packs that Xbox 360 peeps paid extra for. Score!

If you’ve ever been into anything labelled ‘Science Fiction’ – even if it was just the Divinyls song - then get with the programme and get with Mass Effect 2.

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