POSTED 17/1/11


MICROBOT

EA
PS3/PSN (also on Xbox 360/XBLA)

Take the best orgasm you ever had, multiply it by a thousand and you’re still nowhere near it...

Yep, that’s a line from Trainspotting, which has absolutely zero to do with MicroBot, except it starts with a little prick. You’re a miniaturised, theoretically good robot thingy being injected into an unnamed body that’s been hijacked by bad robot thingies. Ah, but they too started out good, tasked with helping the immune system do its thang, until getting a taste of the bacterial dark side and realising black’s sexier. So, you have to make like penicillin and cure.

Fantastic Voyage much? Uh-huh, you’re more correct than the correctest of correcty things. MicroBot commences within the hypodermic, before piercing skin (shouldn’t that make this ‘R’ rated? Oh yeah, Australia’s too fucking stupid to have something that sensible) and splurting into the bloodstream of that hitherto mentioned unnamed body.

MicroBot looks mighty purty for something representing human innards. Globby globules glob about and various semi-transparent layers of stuff we’d rather not know more about interact and form captivating dances. It’s a shame then that clunky-looking robot sprites sully the vista.

The prettiness briefly distracts from the realisation that this is a decidedly average twin-stick shooter. Starting out, your robot thingy’s barely controllable against the bodily eddies that ebb and flow and often have you struggling to move anywhere but headlong into where you didn’t wanna go. Collect enough atoms (don’t let Monty Burns catch you) and you can upgrade your defences and ability to actually be controllable, but it takes way more slog – and re-spawns - than most will be prepared to expend.

Ultimately, MicroBot is more Mr Floppy than orgasm. Stick (pause for groan) with Super Stardust HD if you want an orgasmic twin-stick shooter.

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