POSTED 28/12/10


MONOPOLY STREETS

EA
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, Wii)

When young and churlish, we hated Monopoly – or ‘Monotony’ as we called it, thinking ourselves ever so witty. But we’ve grown up and our tastes have evolved, so surely we’ll dig the real estate game, erm, game now, yeah?

Nup. Still hate it – bored now! Our holiday fund may have matured, but we haven’t. Make it pretty as, it’s still the same yawn-inducing pursuit for your wannabe Gordon Gecko to get their cheapies with, as they revel in smushing your puny life into one of penury.

That being said, if you DO like Monopoly (yo, Gordo!) then this flashy update should please. The board game’s essentially cross-pollinated with The Sims to turn the playfield – and we were way-impressed that Australia gets the London layout we grew up with - into a living city kinda thingy. Lob on an unsold property and there’s a ‘for sale’ sign, the jail’s really cellular and success is represented by the size of your coc... uh, headquarters.

Classic play-pieces remain, but with associated characters that give you the shits. In particular the top hat bearer; a midget Harry Potter-alike who sounds like a Gobbledok. When cajoled into playing this when munchkinny we’d only succumb if we got the racing car. Now that it’s coupled with a lobotomised Peter Perfect we need to rethink that one.

Monopoly Streets slathers options on with a spatula, with different rule sets, and the ability to ‘adjust’ them to suit your own possibly nefarious ends. The original board’s here for purists and online play’s included, so if alone you can be content in knowing somebody somewhere is as numbed by life as you.

Hell, even Mr Monopoly (the tycoon formerly known as Rich Uncle Pennybags) exclaims “Hooray! The game is over!” upon ending... ’nuff said.

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