Want this? Well, you’re an insensitive, heartless prick who’s
scoffing at the unspeakable horrors Mother Nature’s wrought upon our
Kiwi and Japanese friends of late.
Yep, it’s 2011, where political correctness has swung so far
wrongwards that everything might just offend somebody. It’s madness.
You see, shit happens. Big shit, horrible shit, little shit,
inconsequential shit, wonderful shit, runny shit... it happens.
We’re horrified and saddened by recent catastrophes, but we can make
the distinction between reality and a videogame.
Ah, but the crusaders are out wielding red textas. You won’t hear
Pixies’ ‘Wave of Mutilation’ on the radio anytime soon... actually,
bad example, as most radio’s too poxy to play it anyway. ‘I Feel the
Earth Move’? Not for a while you won’t. It’s ridiculous,
kneejerkaciousness. Hell, Nickelback offend us to the marrow, but
nobody blacklists them!
So, save for some places it snuck out, Sony’s postponed releasing
MotorStorm Apocalypse – a game that’s been in development for
much longer than the past month. We don’t agree with the decision,
but we understand it. Just one Helen Lovejoy-like nuff-nuff that’s
ceased seeing crimson long enough to wield a phone and Alan Jones’
talkback number and Sony’s suddenly Satan, Hitler and Charlie Sheen
all globbed into one. So, head the bad press off at the pass.
Speaking of passes, what about the game? It’s typical arcade racing,
delivering lashings of vehicular types in a so-so single-player
‘Festival’ campaign and much better multiplayer (on or offline) in ‘Wreckreation’.
Cues have been filched from the acest racing game since Burnout
but whilst bash ‘n ’crash fun, MA lacks its finesse –
especially with numerous bollocks cheap crashes thrown up in its
crumbling, quaking world of urban destruction.
What? Disgraceful! How insensitive! Ban this sick stunt! Dammit,
what’s Alan Jones’ phone number?!
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recent victims of Mother's Nature's wrath...