review
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POSTED 14/7/10


NAUGHTY BEAR

505 Games
PS3 (also on Xbox 360)

“                                                           .” – Humphrey B Bear.

Them’s wise words, from a really amazing old bear.

When the Naughty Bear concept was first mooted we were intrigued. A teddy bear ostracised by his peers – not invited to a birthday party for being too mischievous, despite going to all the trouble of making a beautifully-wrapped pressie. He was even laughed at! Such nastiness from stuffed animals is, well, stuffed! So, instead of going all emo with a razorblade in a dingy corner, Naughty – who seems bound to wrongdoing by his very name – pops a noggin cog (it’s there, amongst all the fluff) and goes on a psychotic killing spree, complete with various alarmingly gruesome Mortal Kombat-like fatality moves. This ain’t no kiddie game…

The product of truly sick minds – possibly a little too sick – on paper Naughty Bear has all the ingredients to be something different, even if it is rather bereft morally. A highly original story, lots of missions – the whole kit.

Unfortunately, taken off paper and put into reality, Naughty Bear is putrescent. Not due to its questionable morality, but due to completely inept realisation. Whoever programmed this should find another gig, for they’re rubbish. Jerky movement that would make a Commodore 64 blush, a camera with a mind of its own – which is also way too close to the protagonist – and no lock-on system for attacks means it’s an exercise in absolute frustration, ugliness and worst of all, unplayableousityness. Which isn’t a word, but you get the gist.

It’s an utter shame, for as messed up as the premise is, if programmed right this would have been a genuine twisted masterpiece. We’re sad pandas.

take me back to the start...

 



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ALL WRITTEN CONTENT COPYRIGHT © AMY FLOWER 2008-2017. GAME IMAGES COURTESY OF RESPECTIVE GAMES COMPANIES.