POSTED 18/11/11


NEED FOR SPEED: THE RUN

EA
PS3 (also on Xbox 360, Wii, PC, 3DS)

Want to know how to fuck with businessmen dripping in midlife crisis? Show them the intro to The Run. You’ll actually be able to pinpoint the second when their heart rips in half...

Want to know how to fuck with gamers? Make a racer in 2011 with loading times that’d make a cassette-based Commodore 64 blush – pre-Pavloda. Seriously, the waits between occasional playable outbreaks here would have the Dalai Lama bleating.

The Run has an ace concept; basically Cannonball Run meets The Sopranos. You’re some unlikeable dipshit – kinda Liam Gallagher does Top Gear - who’s pissed off peeps you shouldn’t piss off. Avoiding kipping with the fishies relies upon winning a coast-to-coast USA race, sponsored by the redheaded chick from Mad Men, who’s certainly aged well. She doesn’t look an hour older than when last we saw her at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce back in the ’60s!

With this story sticky-taped on, there are brief outbreaks of turgid quicktime events, from mobster close calls to cop intimacy. Demonstrate your gaming prowess by stabbing triangle at the right time. Ooh, impressive!

Racing interludes are more trad. Pass X competitors, defeat specified opponents, or just race hell-for-leather before the timer goes zerotastical. Despite sound glitches and regularly dire handling – if they’d stuck water under this instead of bitumen there’d be decent speedboat rompishness - there’s entertainment, especially overtaking opponents whilst avoiding barrages ranging from Melbourne drivers to cops and rocks (but not Cop Rock; now that could have been interesting). But it’s SOOOOOOOO brief! Seriously, you’ll race for a few minutes then wait as long for the next bit to load. AGH!

Meanwhile, Criterion’s Autolog is squeezed in for competitive types, and various challenges and online pursuits await the patient.

Sadly, we think Need for Speed has hit that troublesome lease-a-red-Porsche age.

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