POSTED 3/11/12


NHL 13

EA Sports
PS3 (also on Xbox 360)

Remember that ‘Life. Be in it’ advertising campaign from a million years ago? You know, the one with the tubby bloke named Norm who was the consummate tinnie-sucking armchair athlete?

Anybody who isn’t Australian is most certainly currently wondering what the fuck we’re on about. Actually, many younger Aussies likely are too.

Anyway, he loved sport, as long as it was played by others and appeared on his cathode ray tube-infused goggle box. Why participate when you can appreciate the artistry of others? We don’t necessarily agree wholeheartedly with this sluggardly stance, but when it comes to ice hockey we make a very large exception. This sport is brutal! Like, you could get hurt or something!

So, give us simulation anytime, where about the worst that can happen is getting smacked over the head with a DualShock. It’s happened, it hurts – but not like crunching your face into ice at a zillion miles an hour and subsequently having your teeth surgically removed from inside your tootsies.

Hmm, we probably should mention this annual update of EA’s rather snazzy take on the sport we’ve been crapping on about for some 188 words.

Despite NHL 12 being groovy, there’s been no laurel resting, especially control-wise. It’ll alienate some, however the new ‘true performance skating’, whereby it’s all left-stick real world physicstastic momentumminess feels right once you click with it. Meanwhile, some 1,000 new animations have apparently been shoehorned in – things do look great, and uncannily broadcastational.

Get off on pencil pushing? You’ll love ‘GM Connected’, whereby you can go all managemental online with up to 749 others – that’s a lot of peeps plotty-plotting for the Stanley Cup. Meanwhile, if you like fucking with history you can revisit, replay and remodel several classic moments. Vandal!

So, play NHL 13 and save your teeth. Here ends our Community Service Announcement – bewdy Newk!

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