POSTED 8/3/13


NINJA GAIDEN Σ2 PLUS

Tecmo
VIta

Won’t somebody PLEASE think of the children?

Oh, they have – say hello to Australia’s first R-rated little fiend of a game, a rebirth of the popular, sororityified Ninja Gaiden Σ2, which in itself was a rebirth of Ninja Gaiden II. Hey, we’re told it’s good to recycle – and luckily games don’t degenerate with repeated copying like when you used to dub from cassette to cassette. Maybe one reader knows what the fuck we’re on about there...

That being said, there are instances of ‘no’ here. No multiplayer, no online, no Japanese soundtrack. The framerate hobbles occasionally, and our biggest irritation was the camera getting hiccupy with no amount of squealing “BOO!” at our Vita helping stop them.

Ah, but there’s also lots of ‘yes’ action, including a welcoming softcock mode for those who find everything just a bit too hard. The story – if you really need one for what’s essentially padding between bouts of increasingly outrageous karate chop/jump/fly/zingstar/slice/dice/whappity-whappity combo actiongasmicness - has something to do with Ryu Hayabusa (what you yell to summon Japanese public transport?) saving Mr Miyagi’s shop from big black spiders doing the resurrection shuffle. Or something. Then the CIA get involved with baddie ninjas and ninja chick pals, big boss monster thingies and, erm, stuff.

The meaty bits are literally meaty. Imagine if Monty Python concocted a ninjafied version of the Holy Grail – you and your trusty currently chosen weapon can lop arms, legs and heads off at will in grisly Black Knight fashion that would be hilarious if it weren’t so frenetic. You also get to bash the shite out of dogs, which should have PETA foaming at the mouth. Poor puppy-wuppies.

It’s primal, seriously gruesome fun, but in an exaggerated cartoon violence kind of way. Still, NGΣ2+ certainly earned its rating. Yet Helen Lovejoy remains unhappy...

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