NINTENDOGS + CATS
Dogs rock. But they also smell, piddle, plop, whimper, bark, demand
sustenance and chew your stuff. Plus, they’re a responsibility. As
the motto goes, they’re for life, not just Chrishmush. What a
Enter Nintendogs, the solution for those who crave pet-ty-ness,
but possess all the responsibility of a Wall Street wank... erm,
banker. Slurp your fill of unquestioning faith and just stab the
‘off’ button when ‘bored now’ descends.
It ably simulates the doggy stuff a doggy owner deals with. From
feeding, patting, cleaning, supplying toys and treats, walking,
playing (fuck, we’re knackered already!) to entering competitions
and cleaning up after, it’s covered. Hell, your puppy – in our case
Flashheart (WOOF!) - even poos and wees, and they’re the actual
words used in-game. Yep, when Flashheart says “Let’s do-oo-oo it!”
he really does-oes-oes it. It even sparkles!
Hard work pays off with unswerving love from your virtual woofer.
We weren’t nasty enough to be cruel, so we’ve NFI what happens if
you give bastard treatment, but we’d hope the little barker leaps
through the screen and rips your bloody scrote off – prick!
Purchase-wise, there are three doggy flavours, each with nine canine
varieties. But if you accidentally plump for something wussy like
the Toy Poodle box you can rest assured that investing enough time
will have all other pooches become available. Yep, that Shepherd can
still be yours!
3D adds to the realistic-ish vibe, and features such as StreetPass
allow you to accumulate more pet-related crap without really trying.
Nintendogs is basically responsibility in a box, and perfect
to see if kids will cut it commitment-wise, or for apartment-dwellers
(seemingly except for the cruel prick living beneath us that has a
real puppy wedged into a one bedroomer).
Oh yeah, there’re also cats. Haughty shits.