read my, can’t read my, no he can’t read my poker face...
While Ms Gaga may ooze confidence in her facial inscrutability, we
don’t. We have a vague notion as to what poker entails, however Lone
Star State rules confound us more than Ikea instructions.
Luckily, tutorials abound in Pure Hold’em to help players
get the gist of everything from blinds and bluffs to flushes and
flops. But it’s a lot for the novice to take in.
a modest introductory stipend, allowing you to play the kindie
table, a slightly harder one or the next one, where you’ll likely
walk away in nought but your undies after one or two hands. Lose
that dough and you have to s-l-o-w-l-y chip away building your pot
so as to be able to take on the bigwigs.
Or, of course, you
can drop a fuckload of real world cash to fill your pot... in a game
that already costs a decent wad in itself. In our broken 21st
century culture where gambling is encouraged at any and every turn,
this is un-fucking-conscionable. We could go on endlessly about how
utterly bereft or morality this is, but luckily for you we only have
a ~300 word limit.
Putting that aside, like the ace Pure Chess and
Pure Pool everything’s
quite pretty – although some decks are so overdesigned as to be
barely distinguishable as playing cards. Still, you can select your
own, as well as fiddling with table décor and musical accompaniment.
Play locally to get the hang of things, create friend
tournaments or just go all in online against strangers – who, in our
brief experience before running out of pottiness, tend to go all in
at every possible turn.
Pure Hold’em appears to
offer a realistic Texan poker experience. Especially as it tries to
fleece you at most every turn. Mum-mum-mum-mah...