POSTED 30/8/13


REAL BOXING

Vivid Games
Vita/PSN

“Rhythm is everything in boxing. Every move you make starts with your heart, and that’s in rhythm or you’re in trouble.” – Sugar Ray Leonard, legendary pugilist.

Old Sugar baby wasn't wrong. Mind you, even if we thought he was we’d never admit it, as even at 57 he could still smack several shades of shite out of us. With his eyes shut. While asleep. Or in a coma.

How are we suddenly so boxing literate as to know that Mr Ray Leonard’s thoughts on rhythm are accurate? We’ve done time with Real Boxing, the first dedicated bout of abject pugilism that’s smacked the Vita on the schnoz. While ostensibly just fisticuffs between two fighters, it’s quickly obvious that a sense of rhythm is vital to avoid the punching, canvas-kissing and 10 count meaning you’re a big fat fighting loser. Or even a lean mean fighting... loser.

This particular ring-bashing affair takes a pleasingly arcade-biased approach to the apparent art of mushing opponents to sinewy pulp. While touch controls are gratifyingly simple – tap left to jab left, tap right to jab right, plus various slides either up-diddy-up-up or across-diddy-cross-cross - the default option, using the Vita’s twin sticky bits, feels decidedly more bifftastic. Plus you can back the fuck away from opponents if they’re extracting inordinate amounts of snot from your personage. It also makes your hands ache after hours of play, so total realism!

Add Patapon-like gym sessions, quick bouts or career – the latter offering gradual upgrading so you’ll actually stand a chance of going the KO on somebody - ad-hoc or online versusness and politeness enough to keep all that icky blood and goop off your carpet, and this is an alarmingly enjoyable beat ’em up. Especially so when we generally find this whole boxing thing, well, kinda silly.

But please-please-please don’t tell Suge that we said that, KO?

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