“Rhythm is everything in boxing. Every move you make starts with
your heart, and that’s in rhythm or you’re in trouble.” – Sugar Ray
Leonard, legendary pugilist.
Old Sugar baby wasn't wrong.
Mind you, even if we thought he was we’d never admit it, as even at
57 he could still smack several shades of shite out of us. With his
eyes shut. While asleep. Or in a coma.
How are we suddenly
so boxing literate as to know that Mr Ray Leonard’s thoughts on
rhythm are accurate? We’ve done time with Real Boxing, the
first dedicated bout of abject pugilism that’s smacked the Vita on
the schnoz. While ostensibly just fisticuffs between two fighters,
it’s quickly obvious that a sense of rhythm is vital to avoid the
punching, canvas-kissing and 10 count meaning you’re a big fat
fighting loser. Or even a lean mean fighting... loser.
particular ring-bashing affair takes a pleasingly arcade-biased
approach to the apparent art of mushing opponents to sinewy pulp.
While touch controls are gratifyingly simple – tap left to jab left,
tap right to jab right, plus various slides either up-diddy-up-up or
across-diddy-cross-cross - the default option, using the Vita’s twin
sticky bits, feels decidedly more bifftastic. Plus you can back the
fuck away from opponents if they’re extracting inordinate amounts of
snot from your personage. It also makes your hands ache after hours
of play, so total realism!
Add Patapon-like gym
sessions, quick bouts or career – the latter offering gradual
upgrading so you’ll actually stand a chance of going the KO on
somebody - ad-hoc or online versusness and politeness enough to keep
all that icky blood and goop off your carpet, and this is an
alarmingly enjoyable beat ’em up. Especially so when we generally
find this whole boxing thing, well, kinda silly.
please-please-please don’t tell Suge that we said that, KO?