POSTED 5/5/15


RIDE

Milestone

Tell your daddy and your mama too, you got something better to do. Don’t stick around the house the rest of your life, you’re 18, you can do what you like...

Sure, you can be a motorcycle mama, but you do run the risk of getting seriously hurt, or of sustaining major leather rash. So fuck it, stick around the house after all and get all of your two-wheeled fantasies out with controller in hand and couch under bum.

Now, what better way to do this than with the latest from Italian motorcycle maestros Milestone? There are over 100 bikes, from 14 different real world manufacturers. You can jet to 14 exotic locations (and North Wales). Why not customise your bike within an inch of its fairing? Go on, race in a variety of events, including everything from drag races to enduro to just good old fashioned ‘Beep-Beep-Beep-BEEP!’ races. It all sounds very exciting, doesn’t it?

Yes, it sure does. But...

Now, as far as we’re concerned, a game is to be played. You wrestle with the controller, your nose getting itchier the more that you get into it and feel that you’re getting somewhere. A game should not be something that you have to stare at for minutes on end while it loads, interact with for a few minutes then stare at a another interminable loading screen. Seriously, we reckon the code for Ride is nicking off down to the pub between races to slug down a sneaky pint.

Yep, the loading times are that bad. Seriously bad. Unacceptably bloody bad.

It torpedoes what is a mostly competent – if not nearly as exciting or spiffy-looking or glitch-free as it should be considering its pedigree and now-gen format - bike racer made for two-wheel lovers.

Under neon loneliness, motorcycle emptiness.

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