your daddy and your mama too, you got something better to do. Don’t
stick around the house the rest of your life, you’re 18, you can do
what you like...
Sure, you can be a motorcycle mama, but you
do run the risk of getting seriously hurt, or of sustaining major
leather rash. So fuck it, stick around the house after all and get
all of your two-wheeled fantasies out with controller in hand and
couch under bum.
Now, what better way to do this than with
the latest from Italian motorcycle maestros Milestone? There are
over 100 bikes, from 14 different real world manufacturers. You can
jet to 14 exotic locations (and North Wales). Why not customise your
bike within an inch of its fairing? Go on, race in a variety of
events, including everything from drag races to enduro to just good
old fashioned ‘Beep-Beep-Beep-BEEP!’ races. It all sounds very
exciting, doesn’t it?
Yes, it sure does. But...
as far as we’re concerned, a game is to be played. You wrestle with
the controller, your nose getting itchier the more that you get into
it and feel that you’re getting somewhere. A game should not be
something that you have to stare at for minutes on end while it
loads, interact with for a few minutes then stare at a another
interminable loading screen. Seriously, we reckon the code for
Ride is nicking off down to the pub between races to slug down
a sneaky pint.
Yep, the loading times are that bad.
Seriously bad. Unacceptably bloody bad.
It torpedoes what is
a mostly competent – if not nearly as exciting or spiffy-looking or
glitch-free as it should be considering its pedigree and now-gen
format - bike racer made for two-wheel lovers.
loneliness, motorcycle emptiness.