POSTED 8/9/11


RISE OF NIGHTMARES

SEGA
Xbox 360/Kinect

Let’s face it, so far Kinect games have all been, well, really fucking ‘nice’. Cutesy avatars doing cutesy things, with the biggest death blows dealt upon fruit. So, bless those twisted, devilish puppies at SEGA for splattering numerous ghoulies amongst the pigeons.

Rise of Nightmares is similar in vibe to the House of the Dead series. A hammily-scripted multilingual descent into cheap scares – erm, “horror” - as you and wifey embark upon a European vacation (sans Family Truckster) only to have it, uh, derailed. Separated, you’re the Brad to her Janet, entering the Scary Mansion™ – or Scary Fucking Mansion™ should you be a Euro rave tourist - to rescue her... creepy thingies permitting, natch.

Ultimately RoN’s more “Snicker-snicker, that thing said ‘Boo!’” cheese dream than knickers-soiling “Ohmyfuckingzod weareallgonnadie!” night terror inducer. Rocky Horror without the catchy ditties and fishnets, or perhaps Carry on Up the Zombie...

Still, it’s absolutely the most spectacular use of Kinect thus far. Think first-person exploration, but using Microsoft’s in-home ‘I Spy’ gadget for everything. Want to walk slowly? Take a little step forward. Want to walk more briskly? Take a big step forward. Need to open a door? Slide or push it. Need to punch? Punch! Want to look to your left? Turn to your left. Want to look right? Turn right. Want to do the Time Warp? Bad luck, it isn’t in here. Meanwhile, handily you can go all “How-diddily-doodily neighboureenie!” pose to automate more drudgetational bits. It. Just. Works.

Honestly, if it were just a standard controller game RoN wouldn’t be so flash. But it isn’t, and it wows in much the same way Dragon’s Lair wowed with its LaserDisc tech when really it was about as interactive as a borborygm. Let the gizmo have its bottle, or summat.

Oh yeah, boo! (Teehee…)

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