POSTED 10/2/12


THE SIMPSONS ARCADE GAME

Konami
PS3/PSN (also on Xbox 360/XBLA)

Best. Game. Ever. That’s what we’d say if, indeed, we thought this were, ahem, the Best. Game. Ever. But it isn’t.

It is, however, the Best. Simpsons. Game. Ever. For what that’s worth. A little frustrating when it was the first of many, and essentially just the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles arcade romp in drag.

For those who’ve been comatose for the past 21 years, The Simpsons Arcade Game hit early in the life of the jaundiced, dentist’s accountant’s dream TV cartoon family. It’s a left-to-right scrolling beat ‘em up similar to Final Fight, and one to four players can partake simultaneously, coinage permitting. Magaggie’s kidnapped by a peculiar-sounding Smithers, so it’s left to Homer, Marge, Bart and/or Lisa to go the rescue, through eight varied Springfieldian levels ranging from Krustyland through to the discount cemetery, the Springfield butte (haw-haw!) to the Springfield Nuclear Power Plant.
 
It’s pretty standard fare, with one ace kicker for multiplayers – who can be local or online in this incarnation. Two players can team their characters for special moves to help overcome the constant influx of besuited, hirsute, ninjaistic and other hired goons.

Fans of the show before it jumped the shark (erm, some 15 years ago) will love the references to early episodes, from Blinky the three-eyed fishy to the bellyrific Princess Kashmir.

Fans of the original game will dig the trip down Memory Terrace, as this oozes authenticity down to the shitty original arcade resolution graphics – why no scanlines option, Konami peoples?

Meanwhile, anybody who missed the paddle steamer originally will likely emit a ‘D’oh!’ or a ‘meh!’, as by today’s standards this looks – and mostly plays - just like a game from 1991.

We can’t help but be nostalgic for back when we referred to weekly The Simpsons time as ‘church’. Don’t have a bovine quadruped, man...

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