poster-relic of all that is complete and utter unadulterated evil,
Charles Montgomery Plantagenet Schicklgruber Burns, was a videogame,
he’d be StarDrone.
Yep, it’s evil incarnate, but that’s not to say it’s bad – oh no
friends, it’s anything but! Move-exclusive StarDrone is the
sort of marvellously challenging game that you rarely see nowadays.
Hell, Super Meat Boy would prefer shishkebabing to facing
this sucker, or in older-school parlance, Battletoads scupper
at its mere mention. It’s so challenging that describing it as such
requires pronunciation with a silent ‘q’... without the ‘u’.
Yeah, yahedy-yahedy-yah, but WTF is this super challenging (with a
silent, ‘u’-less ‘q’) game? Well, it’s an arcadey puzzler. There’s
your starfield background, your spaceshippy you and bizarre-o aliens
that hate your innards. Mechanics-wise, take liberal hunks of
Sonic Spinball, some Arkanoid and any collect-‘em-ups
ever then add a drizzle of Bionic Commando’s tether-arm
You’re plopped in the midst of any of 50 space mazes and face tasks
such as collecting stars or getting the girl and killing the baddies
(without the getting the girl bit). The catch is that you only have
your Move to waggle about, clicking on various tether points to have
your shipummyjig orbit until you let go, hurling you in the
direction you want. In theory, for in practice you’ll likely bonk
all over the joint before eventually taming it. Then there’s instant
death spiky walls, meanies that make you go pop now AND the kicker –
no softcock respawn points. If you die then tough shit baby, you’re
starting from scratch, with everything zeroed.
An indie’s harnessed Move better than Sony again. If ever there was
a game that deserves to sneer “come and have a go if you think
you’re hard enough” then StarDrone is it. Ex-cell-ent!